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24
LENORE
Ihave no idea what I’m doing here other than that, for once in my life, I’m being brave and asking for what I want. After moving home from college and surviving the secondary trauma of the trial, I was happy to hole myself up at home and close myself off from the world.
I was a shadow of the person I’d been before and was glad someone else could make decisions for me so I wouldn’t have to worry about dealing with people.
Now I wanted to be the one deciding. I don’t know what demon possessed me to ask Matt to come up while I was in the tub, but I’m glad I did. Nervous but very glad. I’d have to tell Dr. Connors about this next week.
I phoned her once a month and was due for an appointment. I’m pretty sure she’ll be excited for me when I tell her about these new developments.
Matt waits a few beats after I ask him to turn around again. I can sense the battle inside of him, the need to do what he thinks is right versus what I’ve asked, and I think that’s part of why I trust him so much. He’s an honorable man. He’d never try to manipulate or use me.
I watch his feet turn slowly as he rotates to face me. I will admit a certain fascination with his butt, but when my eyes start to scan up his front, I’m struck dumb.
His thighs match the rest of his body, and I can see the lean muscle wrapped around them.
When I finally let my eyes go above his knees, I see I’m not the only one affected by the situation. He’s half erect and already thicker than I thought possible. And long. I swallow down my nerves and keep my gaze moving upwards so I don’t freak myself out.
Without the towel breaking up the long expanse of skin like it did in the kitchen, his chest seems even wider and laced with muscle that’s useful instead of merely showy. I could feel it this afternoon against my back while we were sleeping. And I desperately wanted to run my fingers across his shoulders the other morning in the kitchen. His torso is firm but still soft in places. From the way he tries to hold in his gut, I think he might be a little self-conscious. Not that he has any reason to be, but it makes me feel better about my own imperfections.
“Lenore.” His voice is garbled, and I can’t mistake the strain for anything but lust. I meet his eyes. “Either I’m getting in the shower or the tub, and I think we both know it’s best if it’s the shower.”
I feel one second of indecision before I sink lower in the water, scented bubbles concealing me up to my nose.
“Shower please.” I gulp a deep breath of air and then duck my head underwater. I don’t want to see if he’s disappointed that I’m not ready for him to join me yet.
When I resurface, he’s in the shower stall, and I can see the silhouette of his strong, capable body. His hands are braced against the wall, and he’s slightly bent forward. He’s facing the wall and cast in glorious profile to me, backlit by the lights in the stall.
“You know I’d never do anything on purpose to scare you, right?”
It takes me a moment to realize that he’s talking to me. He must have heard me resurface.
“Yes.”
I can see his chest fill with a deep inhale and a long exhale. Then one hand dips south, and he groans.
“Are you ok?” I sit up in concern.
“Just peachy.” He grits out, and I realize what he’s probably gripping.
Flushing with what I’m sure is an attractively blotchy red pattern, I keep watching, but his arm doesn’t start to move like I expect it to.
Curious, I wait, but still, nothing happens.
“Matt?” I’m not sure how to phrase this without sounding like a prude. “I don’t want you to. . . hold back.”
“Sweetheart, I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean.” His voice is an octave lower than normal, making me shiver.
“Will you. . .?” I gulp before asking, “Would you, um, show me?”
"Lenore.” His voice is stern like it was earlier when I teased him, sending a thrill down my spine.
Feeling bold, I sass back, “Matt.”
I can hear him sigh, like my little show of bravado is all it took to crumble his resistance. “I need to hear you say it.”
“Will you show me how you touch yourself?” A flashing slideshow of images speeds across my imagination.
