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Lucas
Was I jaded? Perhaps, but I was far from admitting it. My ex-wife had left me for my best friend, which was the ultimate betrayal, but in fact, the situation had merely solidified my belief that true love was a wasted effort. “I prefer to think of myself as a realist when it comes to relationships.”
She shrugged. “Fair enough. Guess I consider myself a realist too.”
“You sure you’re not a romantic?” Like every other woman I’d ever met.
“I believe in romance. How can you say you don’t after listening to Myrna talk about her late husband or seeing Caleb and Daisy together?”
How disappointing. “In other words, you still hope to meet the right person.”
“Maybe.”
“No maybe about it. Seems most women are of like mind.”
Her eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong with wanting to find a partner? Do you really believe a loving relationship is something only women want?”
I found myself in dangerous territory since my answer was an emphatic yes. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It’s a sexist notion to assume women want a relationship while men don’t.”
“I’ve yet to find a woman who doesn’t want a relationship despite proclaiming the opposite.” Might as well be blunt. How many women had my dad brought around while I was growing up who couldn’t wait to play mommy to me? How many women since my divorce had itched to become my Mrs.? Everyone desired the happily-ever-after even when overwhelming evidence said it didn’t exist.
She chuckled. “You couldn’t possibly know what all women want.”
“You wanted the fantasy enough to stay with a man you no longer loved.” It was a low blow, made possible by her confession to a stranger she never thought she’d see again.
She inhaled a sharp breath. When she spoke, her voice was quiet, tinted with emotion. “I didn’t want the fantasy so much as I wanted security after being unloved as a child. I was starved for it and would’ve done anything to feel a connection with someone. It wasn’t a romantic notion as much as just wishing someone would fucking love me.”
If she’d yelled or screamed at me, it would’ve been easier to take. The revelation of her vulnerability was a punch to the gut. “I didn’t mean to—”
She wouldn’t let me finish. “I find it ironic you would negatively judge a person for looking for a relationship when you were once married. At some point you believed in the fairy tale too. Or maybe the fact you didn’t was part of why it ended.”
The fact I deserved the blow didn’t mean I was prepared for the way it landed on a truth I’d never admitted, even to myself.
Yes, I could blame my ex-wife for cheating and acting like a bitch at the end, but I couldn’t blame her for going into the relationship expecting it to fail. Nope. That was on me. I’d tried to convince myself that forever existed the day I’d recited my vows, but at my core I’d never actually believed it.
We pulled into the parking lot of the clinic, allowing me to shift into park and turn toward her. “I never should’ve opened my mouth on the subject. And I certainly shouldn’t go pissing on other people’s dreams just because mine went to shit.”
“You weren’t the one to piss all over my dreams.” She got out of my car and walked over to her Mercedes without a look back.
I was a complete and utter jackass.
