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Austin straightens upas I approach, a smile on his face.
“Where would you like to go tonight?” He asks, leaning down to brush a kiss against my cheek.
“Actually, I was thinking we’d stay in tonight,” I hug him close, hiding my face against his chest.
“Are you sure? I have it on good authority that the zoo after-hours is pretty remarkable,” Austin says, handing me my helmet.
“Austin, is there a reason you don’t want me at home?” I take the helmet, but don’t put it on yet. ”I’m worried that Twix and Snickers are getting lonely.”
I force myself to hold his eyes, trying to gauge his response.
Austin meets my level gaze. There’s something in his burnt sienna eyes that I’ve never seen before, and my stomach sinks.
“You’re right, I am keeping you away. It’s time for me to come clean, Ruthie.” He blows out a breath. “Let’s go back to your place. I swear I’ll tell you everything. I don’t want to do it here.”
I have no reason to climb onto the bike behind him. But even now, I know that Austin wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. Sliding my helmet on, I settle into my spot behind him.
My spot.
I’m not afraid of Austin’s bike anymore. Instead, it fills me with trembling excitement. Maybe it's not my fear shrinking, but my faith in Austin to keep growing.
The drive is short, barely enough to get up to speed.
"Hey, baby," Snickers rubs up against me, purring.
Austin takes his time locking the door behind us, peering through the blinds. When he’s satisfied, he settles next to me on the loveseat.
"Alright. Who are you worried about? Did you actually escape prison instead of getting an early release?" I ask, frowning as the thought occurs to me.
“No. I did my time.” He says with a sigh. “I’ve got some things to tell you, Ruth. The man who attacked you that night? The man I killed? He was in the mob.”
I take a moment to process that, slowing my breathing to the long exhales that Rhett taught me.
“Now that I’m out,” Austin lowers his voice. “His family wants vengeance. They’ve been looking for you, Ruthie.”
My breathing falters as another swell of panic rises in my throat.
“So all those times I felt like someone was watching me.” My voice is shaky and uneven. “All the paranoia, the anxiety —”
“Probably more real than you thought. I had friends outside that promised to look after you, too. I ran with a tough crowd. They helped keep an eye on you for me.” The cold in my stomach starts to radiate through me. I push it down, shaking my head to banish the prickling of tears in my eyes.
“Is there more?” I’m afraid to ask.
Austin blushes. It’s the first time I’ve seen him flustered. The ice enveloping me thaws at the sight. I should be furious. Austin was keeping tabs on me for two years. Instead, I want to pull him into a hug. None of this makes sense.
"I fucked up,” He goes on. “I read all of your letters. The ones you never sent. I took the maintenance job to be near you. I had to make sure you were safe because I owe you so much. I knew better, but I couldn't help myself. As soon as I saw them on the table, I read every word."
Austin sits, hanging his head. Regret pours off of him. Despite myself, I reach over and place a hand on his arm.
“I've never been as obsessed with anything as I am with you, Ruth.” Austin’s words are dark, dripping with need. “From the moment we met, it's like my life was divided right then and there. The old me—”
There’s tormented anguish in his tone, and despite his confession, my heart hurts for Austin.
“He died that night. Just like that drunk asshole. I don't' know who I am without you." Austin runs his hands through his hair, frustration pouring off of him.
Even now, I can't bring myself to be afraid of Austin. I have every logical reason to run screaming for the hills. But the man can't spark an ounce of fear in me.
