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I look up from my phone to find Lyndsey watching me. “No, Jackson.”
Lyndsey’s face screws up in confusion. “Since when do you smile like that when you get a text from him?”
“What are you talking about?” A wave of nervousness rushes over me.
“Rory?” Lyndsey pauses for a moment, as if waiting for a response. When I don’t give her one, she continues. “I know I’ve asked you this before, but are you sure there isn’t anything going on between you and Jackson?”
“Gross, Lynds. This is Jackson we’re talking about here.”
“Exactly.”
Lyndsey’s blue eyes hold mine and I suddenly feel very exposed.
“I love Brad, a lot.”
“But?”
“There’s no but.” I toss my phone into my purse and then place my chin in my hand, leaning on the desk with my elbow. “All right, truth?” Lyndsey leans forward and waits for me to spill juicy details I don’t have. “I’ve been having all these weird feelings lately.”
“Feelings? About Jackson?”
“Oh my God, yes, about Jackson.”
“I knew it.” She smiles evilly. “Spill. I want all the details.”
“There’s nothing to tell. Do you really think I’d cheat on Brad? It’s just… Jackson’s always been my friend. Yeah, ok, maybe in high school or right after, I had a tiny crush on him. Who didn’t? But he was never interested in me like that. Then when we danced on Valentine’s Day, it’s like something inside of me shifted, and I started looking at him differently.”
“Did he say anything?”
“No, he avoided the entire situation. Whatever I did totally freaked him out.” Nervously, I chew on my lip, thinking about that night. “Everything going on inside my head is because of nerves. Nerves about the wedding and moving. It’ll pass, I know it will. I don’t handle change well, that’s all.” Lyndsey continues to stare at me, the look on her face now a mix of doubt and sympathy. “I love Brad.”
“You already said that.” Lyndsey stands up, signaling it’s time for us to leave. “I’m just not sure if you keep repeating it to convince me or yourself.”
* * *
After spendingFriday night with Lyndsey, I drove to Brad’s on Saturday morning to spend the entire weekend with him. With the wedding being only two weeks away, I feel like I need this time to reconnect and remind myself of what the two of us share. Does Brad have his faults? Of course he does, we all do. But deep down, he has been a really good partner for me. And I love him, despite where my recent thoughts have been. He’s intelligent, hard-working, and handsome. Together, I know the two of us can live a happy life.
After spending the weekend together, I still feel the need to remind myself of that fact. Despite how well Brad and I seem to fit, I miss the spark we had. I can’t remember the last time we had sex, and that should concern me. Only, it doesn’t. I keep telling myself that once we say our vows and the wedding stress is behind us, everything will return to normal. I guess we’ll have to see.
As for Jackson, he and I have also gone back to pre-Valentine’s Day normal. We’ve seen each other almost every day at school this week. We’re texting randomly throughout the day and even had dinner with my dad last night. I know he’s been on a few dates with Vanessa, and I’m happy for him, genuinely. All I’ve ever wanted is for Jackson to find happiness, and who knows? Maybe Vanessa will end up being ‘the one.’
“This crap is so lame.” Annabelle plops herself down in the chair in front of my desk pulling me from my thoughts.
“It’s nice to see you, too. I’m glad you’re talking to me this time.” We spent the entire hour in total silence on Monday. “Did you have a good day?” Since assigning her detention with me this week, I haven’t received any behavioral slips from Annabelle’s teachers. Despite her annoyance, maybe I’m making progress with her.
With a roll of her eyes, she slumps further in her seat. “My day sucked, just like all the others.”
“Did something happen, or…”
“Like you actually care.” Annabelle turns her head and stares out the window.
“I do.” Her eyes snap back to meet mine and all I see is a scared girl who is trying her best to hide the tornado of emotions that lies within her.
“How old do you have to be to drop out and get your GED?”
I was not expecting this question. “Why would you want to drop out?”
She tucks her long hair behind her ear and nervously bounces her leg up and down. “I don’t know. I thought it might help me get emancipated.”
