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JACKSON
PRESENT DAY…
The past two weeks are a total blur. I couldn’t tell you where one day began, and the other ended. It’s as if I was nothing more than an empty shell, pretending to be alive while cruising on autopilot. Last night at the rehearsal dinner, it finally hit me. This is it. Rory and I will never be more than what we are. I’ve been in love with her for more than a decade, and I never told her because I was too scared to lose her. But I have lost her. Three years ago when she dumped her glass of wine in Brad’s lap, that’s when it officially happened.
Last night, I stood beside Rory and listened as she and Brad went through their mock ceremony. The officiant even made a joke asking if he should skip the part where he asks if there’s anyone who objects. Can I? No, of course I can’t. If I didn’t have the balls to tell Rory the truth after all these years, there’s no way I could do it during her wedding ceremony. Right?
Standing at the entryway of the venue, I smile at the guests who are arriving. Next to me is one of Brad’s cousins. The two of us have been placed here as ushers. We are to greet the guests and to make sure they know which side to sit on.
“Are you ok, man?” I look at Jonathan and give him a puzzled look. “You’re sweating pretty bad. Do you feel ok?”
“Oh,” I reply while reaching for the handkerchief in my back pocket. “Yeah. Bad hangover.”
“I think Brad and the guys stashed a bottle of bourbon in their suite. Something about taking shots to calm Brad’s nerves. Maybe you should go take a couple of hits. It might make you feel better.”
“You know what? That’s actually not a bad idea.” I give him a slap on the shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”
There is no way in hell I’m going to Brad’s suite. I just need to take a walk and hopefully calm myself down. For the millionth time, I pull at the thin fabric of my bowtie. It feels like the damn thing is choking the life out of me. Unsure of which direction to head, I stand there for a moment.
If I make my way toward the parking lot, I can’t guarantee I won’t hop in my truck and hightail it back to Hawk Bend. Like the coward I am, I seriously contemplate that idea. It isn’t until I see my parents walking toward the building that I quickly change my mind and head in the opposite direction. There is no way in hell I can face my mother right now. She’ll be able to see right through me. Rounding the corner, I bump into Lyndsey, literally.
“Jackson, Jesus Christ.”
Reaching for her, I grab her by the elbows before she falls to the ground.
“Sorry, I wasn’t paying any attention. What are you doing out here?”
“There’s only ten minutes left until the ceremony. I have to find Skip and bring him to the bridal suite.” She eyes me up and down. “You look like shit.”
“Hungover.”
“Awesome. You better not puke on my dress when we’re up there.” Lynds brushes past me on her way to continue to find Skip. “Get it together, Jackson. You don’t want to embarrass Rory.”
I watch as Lyndsey disappears around the side of the building. Rory is alone in her bridal suite, and I don’t know how long it’ll take before Lyndsey is back. Do I go to her or continue to suffer in silence? I don’t want to do the latter anymore.
“Screw it.” I’m tired of being a coward.
Standing in front of Rory’s door, my hand hovers over the handle. My anxiety is at an all-time high, and it feels as if my heart is about to explode. Gripping the handle, I turn it and open the door. Rory is standing in front of a full-length mirror, adjusting her veil. The ivory-colored lace of her dress molds to her every curve flawlessly. My fingers itch to trace the line of buttons that run down the length of her spine and stop directly above her ass. When the door clicks shut, her eyes meet mine.
“You look gorgeous,” I mutter under my breath.
Rory turns to face me, giving me a brief smile. “So do you.”
Her smile fades quickly as she turns back to the mirror. She doesn’t seem as happy as one should on their wedding day. Maybe it’s just nerves, or maybe I’m looking for a reason to justify the hurt I’m about to put her through.
“I came to tell you that, uh”—I clear my throat—“I need to leave.”
“Leave?” She turns and takes two steps toward me.
“There’s been an emergency.”
“What happened? Is everything ok? Your parents?”
“No, nothing like that.” I take a step forward and see Rory relax a little. “My parents are fine. They’re here. It’s me. I’m the one who’s not all right.”
“Are you sick?”
“No.”
