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Chapter Thirty-Eight

Mia

It tookme awhile before I realized Nick wasn’t coming back.

It was that last kiss and the look in his eyes that made me give up the hope.

I just knew it.

All the while I’d been in that dream filled state I heard his voice when he spoke to me. It was weird to describe to anyone. I felt like I was stuck in the dream trying to wake up, being too weak to wake up and push through the barriers that held me there.

In the darkness and mingle of voices I clung to his presence.

His presence, there with me to catch me if I fell.

Then I woke up and he stopped being there.

He stopped and it was like a disconnection.

Dad told me all the things Nick did for us and I’m grateful. His absence though is something that crushes me.

I’m told he calls to check on me but that’s it. He doesn’t come to see me.

No one has to tell me that he’s purposely staying away.

No one has to tell me the reason either.

I already know why and it’s the combo of the mess.

Carter might have killed Tommy but Nick blames himself for what happened to me. That’s why he’s staying away and the last time I saw him was meant to be goodbye.

I just refuse to accept it, or believe it’s over.

I can’t accept we’re over.

It’s the aftermath of the darkness. I don’t know how anybody could begin to heal from the tangle of a mess we were cast in. Dad looks like a shell and I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. Carter is dead.

Carter who shot me, nearly killing me.

His funeral was a week ago. No one talked about it other than to mention the date.

Carter did so much wrong, but he was my brother and no matter what, I didn’t want things to end the way it did.

I got caught in a trap, placed in a situation based on independent variables that suddenly came together and ended in disaster.

I was in hospital for another four weeks because of the lengthy recovery. There was the healing from the surgery and it took a while before I could walk around without feeling like I was going to break in half.

I was released home yesterday and Dad, Beth and Chloe milled around me like my personal team of health care professionals.

I’m certain they’ll have a fit when they realize I’ve left the house.

I’ve been awake since before sunrise and I can’t wait any longer.

In my state of recovery I promised myself that I’d see Nick the first chance I could.

That is now.

It’s seven in the morning on a Saturday and as I stand in front of his large oak door I hope he’s home. I got a taxi here and told the driver to wait just in case Nick isn’t here.

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