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She dries her eyes and looks me over.
“I’m sorry. I feel bad crying. It’s you who was taken and not me,” Ma surmises.
“Ma, we all had something to grieve over. We all did. All of us, not just me. I know you must have been worried sick.” I stroke her hand.
“Yes. I was my dear girl. I worried every day… all day. Nothing could console me, my two beautiful sons murdered and my mother right before my eyes. Then my baby girl taken away from me. Just like that, all in one day. It’s a hard thing to live with.”
“I know. I do know. I will never forget that day, not ever.” I fight back tears.
It was what I’m told left my family crippled financially. Bad enough to break their hearts and worse knowing the dire financial circumstances but Pa wasn’t able to rebuild. Antonio made sure of that.
We have a motel now that brings in enough money to run the home. The house was remortgaged to get it and it seems like it’s a step in the right direction. Pa sold his previous business to some investors and moved on from it. He looks just like Ma with the thin, gaunt, forsaken look.
He’s not here now because he insisted on going to the store to get me some fresh fruit. Everyone has been fussing over me. So happy to see me. I’m just happy they’re alive.
Cordelia comes to the door and looks in on us.
In the past she would have been jealous as fuck to see Ma fussing over me the way she is.
That person she used to be is not the one looking at me from the door. It’s the glimmer of what I remember when I saw her reaching for me when I was taken.
The glimmer and something else.
She had cancer.
My sister had cancer and I wasn’t here to help her.
She lost all her hair and can’t have kids. It was ovarian cancer.
Her hair is boy-short with the ends flicked up about her ears. It looks like she styled it that way, but the truth is something that breaks my heart. She’d moved out and had her own place but moved back here after she got sick.
“Hey … can I come in?” she asks. That’s new too, asking for stuff.
Ma smiles. It must be nice to see us getting along, no matter the circumstances.
“Of course,” I tell her.
“Why don’t I allow you girls to talk and I’ll go start dinner?”
“Dinner Ma? I feel like I’ve eaten enough to feed a small village.” I can’t believe I made a joke, haven’t made one of those in a long time,verylong time. It feels weird those words came out of my mouth.
“Humor me, ragazza dolce, per favore. Just humor me, please,” Ma says, clasping her hands. She lowers to give me a kiss on my forehead and she does the same to Cordelia when she gets to her. With one last smile she leaves us.
Cordelia comes in and takes her seat where Ma was. She’s carrying a small bag, one of those embroidery bead bags. It looks like something she made back in the day.
“This is for you,” she says, handing it to me.
“Me?”
“Yeah. I made the bag last night, thought you might like it. But the stuff inside is a mix of things that already belong to you and something else.” She gives me a coy smile.
I’m amazed at the bubble of excitement that fills me. We were always the sisters who were at each other’s throats. She’s five years older than me. We were okay until I got to the age of twelve. Before that she saw me as a living doll she used to dress up. Then all the boys started looking at me instead of her and I lost her.
“Thank you, means a lot.” I give her a hug and when I move to sit back she continues holding me for a few seconds before she releases me.
“I’m sorry.” She dabs at her eyes. “I am, I just …I hope you know I appreciate all you must have done for us. We’re still alive and no one bothered us after that day. It didn’t mean shit because I knew you were suffering.”
It means a lot to hear her say such things to me because I thought she hated me.
