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Jesus Christ, there’s a sex tape of me.
Me.
It feels weird to even say it.
I want that job at Raventhorne. I absolutely do. I wasn’t just talking shit to make myself look good when I told Principal Carson I was in love with the school. I was.
I felt like I belonged there, so I want the job and the chance for the opportunity. So where does that leave me? Am I seriously supposed to go to Tobias and be his? Protect my image and stop him from destroying me?
The thought makes me start whimpering.
I’m so sick of crying. I’m so sick of it and now I’m crying in public, outside for people to see me.
I could turn the job down to screw with Tobias, but he’ll fuck me over with another job. And another. He won’t stop until there’s nothing left of me.
I wouldn’t be able to teach and that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do as a career.
The glimmer of hope I experienced when it looked like I was going to get my life back on track is gone. All the goodness I felt from the job offer at Raventhorne is gone.
Night falls and I start to shake and shiver. My phone must have rang about a hundred times but I haven’t answered once. I can’t talk to anybody and tell them what happened to me today or any other day.
I feel doom take me because I know this is it for me.
I’ll die if I go to Tobias. I can’t relive the last ten years.
That is what it will be. A replay of Antonio. Same game, different man.
Tobias, though was the worse.
He would be worse. I’d live that nightmare again. I can’t.
I can’t do it.
Gabe’s face flashes into my mind and the image makes me stand. I get strength to stand, head back to my car and drive to him. To Gabe.
I’m not thinking… I’m just doing, because I just want to see him.
When he sees me, my tearstained face is all that’s needed to tell him I’m in trouble.
“Charlotte what happened?” He takes hold of my shoulders and I have to steady my racing thoughts to be able to talk and form coherent words.
“Please…help me…” I whisper. My brain doesn’t even register what I’m saying. I’m just talking. This must be what people mean by hitting rock bottom. The thing is I thought that happened already. I guess it did and this is me fearing going back there again. I’m seeking help. “Please… help me.”
I’m seeking help from the one person I know will give it. The one person I wanted to run away from because of who he is. Yet I need him. I need him in so many ways.
He stares at me and pulls me into the safety of his arms. His arms where I want to stay forever.
I know I can’t stay there though.
I can’t just pretend like the other day that nothing is happening.
The shit has just hit the fan and I need to tell him what is happening.
And… to do that I need to tell him all that happened to me.
Chapter Eighteen
Charlotte
