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I can’t imagine what more he could give me or how he can outdo what we just did.
Like an addict though I want it. I want whatever it is he wants to give me. I want more. I deserve more and all the pleasure in the world. I’m already intoxicated. I want to be drunk and get wasted on it,on him.
“Give me more. I want more.”
“Remember… the safe word is red.” I don’t miss the darker edge to his words.
“I remember.” I haven’t used the safe word yet.
He slides off me and then I feel his hands on my waist shuffling me around so that I can go on my hands and knees.
“Things are going to change a little Charlotte. You say red when you want me to stop. This is where I take you to the edge again and release the pain.”
I look back at him. I can’t see him but I sense hesitation in his voice. I’m so hyped up on pleasure though that I don’t want to turn back.
“I want it gone Gabe. I want the pain gone.”
He rests a firm hand on my ass and I already know what he’s going to do.
“I’m going to spank it out of you,” he tells me. “It may hurt but I won’t give you more than you can take. The next time we do this you will only feel pleasure.”
I believe him.
“Pleasure?”
“Pleasure. Should I continue or do you want to safe word me now?”
Control. He’s giving control to me, empowering me with it. It’s something I lacked for so long and I want it back.
“Continue. I… trust you.” As I say the words I know I do. This is crazy and I don’t see how spanking can release the pain, but I trust him and I trust this wild fantasy we’re having. I want to experience the rest.
His hand roams over my ass, then I feel his lips kissing the skin there.
Then a powerful blow to my left cheek rocks my hips forward and sends a shudder through me.
The skin stings and I cry out, but what I feel is the tug of emotion that’s been weighing heavily on my heart, the emotion that keeps the wall up.
Another slap starts breaking it down.
Mentally I visualize it and while he gives me another slap and another and the skin stings what I see is the wall crumbling and I see true myself from years ago. I’m behind the wall clawing away at it to break free.
Abuelita’swords fill my mind and I think of choosing the right path. Beyond the wall is a path of darkness. It’s so thick. So thick it’s stifling, like if I swallow it will take me whole. Ahead of me it’s the light. It’s all the things I wanted. All the things I needed.
I think of the nightmares and they all blend into one. I see them blend into a swirl and push back the darkness, past me,everything.
Antonio, Father Rossario, Tobias. The three worst men who abused me over and over again. I push them to the back of my mind and the wall falls down.
I don’t even realize I’m crying or that there are tears on my wrists.
I never realized and what I feel as I break down is Gabe’s lips smoothing kisses over the sore skin of my ass.
The skin feels sore but the release in my heart is so much more. It’s more than I would have thought would come from this.
The girl I held back is free and the one thing she wanted more than anything was her guy.
“Are you okay…Goddess?” His voice is soothing. I can tell that he would have preferred to give me pleasure than make me feel pain, or release me from pain.
“I feel… alive.”
