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Of the brothers we look the most similar. We look like Pa. Vincent and Nick look like variations of our mother. Frankie looked like us too. Sometimes though when I look at Gabe it’s like I’m looking at myself.
“What did I do to her?” he asks. “What did I do to Mimi?”
I’m not actually surprised that he asked the question like that.
My rage the other day probably spoke of everything and it must have been a tell that that fight could only have been about Mimi. Nick guessed it right off the bat and tried to get me to cough up the info a few nights ago. I kept my silence though. I kept that part of the implied promise I made Mimi. I kept it then and I’m keeping it now.
“I’m not at liberty to discuss that with you,” I answer and he bows his head, dipping it in frustration.
When he lifts his head and his eyes meet mine again, remorse comes into his eyes.
“So, I did do something. Salvatore… it must be bad for you to want to kill me.”
“Gabe, you know what? Yes. It was bad.” I think I can tell him that much.
“The guys said they haven’t seen you with her. Please don’t tell me that I did something to screw with the two of you.”
I laugh, not a humorous laugh because what he said wasn’t funny. Not one fucking bit.
I know I’m acting like a prick. I’m acting out though because his actions made it all bad for me. His actions made Mimi believe I’m just like him.
That she’ll have the same fucked up result and it’s supposed to make me feel better that it will be worse with me.Fucking hell.
“Gabe… you know what pisses me off? I get it, you went through hell for many years. But Mimi?Jesus… when I found out you were with her I couldn’t believe you would cross the line knowing you couldn’t return the feelings she had for you. She’s one of us. She was basically family, and the way you treated her was fucked up. I can’t begin to unravel it. You went there with her because she was an easy target. You dragged her into your shit because you knew she’d go to you willingly, no matter how many times you let her down. And now that you have your happy family she’s left with the aftermath. So you can go figure it out for yourself.”
“Salvatore… I’m not going to disagree with you, all of what you said is true. It’s all true and I can’t take back what I did. I’m sorry. I truly am. I didn’t mean to hurt her and definitely not you. I can’t cope with this… us not talking. Us like this, but I’ll do whatever it takes to fix it.”
He rises to his feet. I don’t answer because there are some things you can’t fix. This situation is one of them.
I hate this with us though too.
I don’t know how to be like this with him.
He leaves and shortly after I leave too.
* * *
I’ve been brainstormingwhat to do.
I haven’t calmed yet but I’m calmer.
The answer to what I want is still there in my mind.
I still want Mimi and this news hasn’t changed the fact that she’s still mine.
What’s changed is strategy.
Tact.
I never chase a woman who doesn’t want me and I’ve never come across a woman that didn’t want to be with me.
It’s always been different with her though. Always.
I get back to my apartment and can tell straightaway that something feels off about the place even before I open the door.
Instinct makes me want to reach for my gun, but the subtle scent of sweet honey calms me.
The place always smells like that when she’s here. Nearly a week has passed though since she was last here. The scent started to wear off.
