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It’s about how he hurt me, or rather the result of what he did to hurt me.
Silence fills the space between us and she reaches across the table to take my hand.
“I don’t want to be that woman I was last year,” I breathe and the worries in my mind fill my voice.
Pushing past the tightening in my throat, I bite the inside of my lips to keep the tears in.
That woman I was crumbled into pieces because of what happened to her. I feel like shit for not being able to trust my heart, or even myself. I feel like shit for being a coward because my fear of making myself vulnerable to love is getting the better of me.
Vulnerability means opening the door to betrayal.Again.
It’s hard to go through that with a person you’re supposed to trust. I trusted Gabe and I never thought he’d just treat me like I was nothing.
“Salvatore isn’t like Gabe, Mimi.” A flash of sympathy flickers in her eyes and she leans closer, reaching for my hands.
“I know,” I answer. “He’s far from it… but I don’t want to be stupid, Gina. I know what those guys are like. I know whathecan be like too.” I look down, feeling guilty to make such a comment. Nevertheless, accepting the truth of it.
I know Salvatore wants me but I haven’t been blind in the past to all the women he’s had on his arm.
“It’s taken me awhile to balance out my mind and figure out what I want to do with my life,” I mutter, my voice weak.
She offers up a little smile. “The restaurant?” she inquires and I nod.
“I want to achieve something with my life.”
I look at her and I know she gets it. Gina has her own salon. She worked damn hard to get it.
My father spoils me rotten and I proclaimed myself manager at The Dark Odyssey because I do so much there. It’s like I own the place but I don’t. The guys just keep me around because I’ve always been around.
I want my restaurant.
It’s been something I’ve wanted to do for years and showcase all the amazing recipes my mother and grandmother taught me to make. Cooking is the one thing I’m actually good at. Mom always wanted me to take it further and said I had that natural talent. I was five when I first joined her in the kitchen. By the time I was twelve I was making up recipes of my own and cooking up the cuisine meals she taught me.
Jesus… I even started going to Camp Master Chef from when I was nine.
Then I just lost my way after she died. That’s what happened. I won’t lie and say that wasn’t the cause of my procrastination.
Without her and her inspiration it was hard.
I’ve wanted a restaurant since forever but kept putting it off because I lost the faith in myself she gave me. It made me question if I had what it took to pull it off.
Just when I started to heal on some level, I took the plunge to put the plan in motion. I was even talking to my father about it, then Gabe happened.
That’s close to four years ago, although if I’m honest, it’s more like five. So no mere length of time.
I was twenty-four at the time. I never went to college and saw it as the thing I was going to do. Except when Gabriel Giordano started showing interest in me that suddenly came first.
It pushed the dream to the back of beyond and so much shit has happened since.
“Can’t you have both though, Mimi?” Gina asks, pulling me from my thoughts. “The restaurant and the guy who’s called you his babygirl for a lifetime?” She gives me a hopeful smile.
“I … don’t know,” I answer, balling my fists. It grips my heart just to say that.
Of course I could have both. I could and it would be nice, except for the
rude awakening that’s come back to haunt me.
My breath catches in my chest and tension fills my stomach.
