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“Yes.”
Vincent told me to spend the day with him. I couldn’t have been more grateful.
I’m more grateful, though, for the fact that Dad looks more like himself.
“Thank God. Let’s make the most of it, sweet girl. Come.”
We go into the living room and sit on the sofa. I can’t stop looking at him, at how good he looks. He even looks younger.
He looks like he tried this time.
We spoke last night, and I told him about the job. He was so happy for me.
He sounded like how he did when I first started working. It was like he wanted me to have something I could be proud of and happy doing.
“What’s happening now? Did the doctors say we needed to do anything?” I ask.
“There’s a lot. And there’s no we, Ava.”
I shake my head in protest even before he can finish. “Absolutely not. Dad, if this has taught us anything, it’s that we need to be there for each other more.”
“No… that’s not what it teaches us, my dear girl. There was never any lesson for you to learn. Not a damn thing. It was me. This was all me. I did unspeakable things. Stuff I can’t even remember. I dragged you into my mess and could have gotten both of us killed. Look how far we’ve come. All the way from the nightmare of Russia. And I nearly lost it all.” He dabs at his eyes.
“You had a problem.”
“I had problems, and I just allowed them to fester and grow into a monstrous entity that took over my life. Never again. Never again will I put you through what I have. I can’t express how I felt when you offered yourself to pay my debt.” He stills and places a hand to the side of his head.
“I did it because I love you.”
“I know, but I know you did it too because you feel you owe me. You did it because you feel… you feel guilt still, and nothing was ever your fault.”
I press my lips together. “I’ve been okay. It wasn’t bad.”
It sounds like a lie, but it’s truth, and I wouldn’t know what to tell him in regard to how I feel about Vincent.
“Did he hurt you?” He keeps asking me that for a reason.
“No… he’s never hurt me.” Maybe it’s the way I say it or what I say, but there’s a shift in his expression that takes on a more curious edge. Like he knows how I feel.
“Ava… please be careful. Please. It’s danger. Men like me… men like him… it’s all danger. I don’t want you to get hurt. I know he spared me because of you. I guess that should tell me everything.”
He does know.
“There’s been ups and downs, but he’s taken care of me.”
“You have feelings for him.”
My head dips, and I stare at my hands brought together in my lap. I don’t know if I can answer that question outside my head. It’s been intense with Vincent. In some ways, it feels like I’ve been with him for months, not weeks.
Dad touches my cheek and lifts my head back to focus on him.
“Ava, you can tell me. It’s okay.”
“How can it be?”
“Because it is what it is.”
“I don’t know what it is, Dad. My head is spinning, and I feel like I’m spinning too. I’ve felt every kind of emotion over the last few weeks, and I didn’t know what to do, what to think, how to feel.”
