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Pretending like nothing ever happened.
“You want a reason? Here’s one.” I spin, facing him. “Because you abandoned me. Because I woke up crying every night in the hospital, waiting for you to show up. Because I found myself wishing I did die that day just so I wouldn’t have to deal with the aftermath of you. Because you broke me, Finn. Are you happy now?”
The smile slips off his face, and a shadow descends over his eyes. He says he’s changed, that he was working on himself while he was away, but his demons are still there.
Inside him.
Just waiting to come out and play.
“I’m so sorry, Dia.” His voice is strangely calm.
The words he said to me the night of the bonfire clash with what he’s saying now.
“I thought you said you weren’t going to apologize,” I point out.
Chewing on the inside of his cheek, he says, “That was before you looked at me like that.”
That’s when I taste something salty on my bottom lip.
No.
No.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
Am I crying right now? What the fuck? I wipe the tears on my cheek with my sleeve and turn away, avoiding his gaze.
Be more pathetic, will you?
“Look… I hurt you. I had my reasons for blacking out that day, but that doesn’t make it okay. When you’re ready, I’d like to share them with you.”
Hesitant, he lifts his hand to my face and stops just before touching my skin. He’s waiting for me to stop him. Hell, I’m waiting for me to stop him. But I never do.
He slowly sweeps the tear rolling down my face with his thumb. “I’m so sorry, Dia. I know it doesn’t erase what happened, but if you think I don’t care, you’re wrong. There hasn’t been a day where I haven’t thought about the accident. There hasn’t been a goddamn second where I haven’t hated myself for what I did. It might not mean much, but I need you to know that I hurt myself, too. I hurt myself the day I hurt you…”
I’ve been speechless in my life, but never as speechless as I am right now. Beautiful apologies don’t heal ugly wounds, and forgiveness can’t be earned with pretty words. It’s clear that things will never be the same between us, but maybe an apology is the first step to a wound becoming a scar.
My pizza beeps, saving me the trouble of coming up with an answer.
“Thanks for the pizza,” I say dryly.
Without another glance in his direction, I grab my food, slam the microwave shut, and retreat to my room.
* * *
College parties are overrated for many reasons.
Drunk people, for starters. They’re loud, obnoxious, puke everywhere. Don’t even get me started on drunk frat guys. They’ll have you losing all hope in the male species and make you wish dating yourself wasn’t frowned upon by society.
But that’s not why I want to go home. The true reason why I regret coming to Theo’s party is Finn.
I knew I made a mistake from the moment I stepped foot inside the crowded house with Aveena, Lacey, and Xavier. This isn’t my first time going to a blacklight party. Theo hosted something similar back in high school, but it was more of a glow-in-the-dark party. This is on a whole new level.
The guys’ only request for tonight was that everyone wear white shirts they didn’t mind getting dirty. Surprisingly enough, people listened. I noticed the highlighters scattered all over the party as soon as I walked in. Then TJ made his way over to explain the party’s concept.
In short, the goal tonight is to write on other people’s shirts with highlighters, and at midnight, blacklights will come on, revealing what everyone wrote on your clothes. They even went as far as to throw in a theme. The theme is—wait for it—confessions.
Aveena and Xavier couldn’t help exchanging amused glances, reminiscing about the confessions that drew them together in high school.
