AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Ironically, the tears cloud my sight before I can stop them.
“So yes, maybe I do want you when I’m hurt or miserable, but to be fair… I’d be miserable anywhere on this goddamn planet without you.”
His speech steals my breath.
I sniffle. “I want to believe you, but I—”
“Then believe me.” Finn’s hands cup my face, panic twisting his features. “Believe that I’m a fucking mess, but a mess who loves you.”
For a fleeting second, I do believe him. But it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because his demons still have more power over him than I ever will. And I don’t have it in me to spend my freshman year watching college girls drooling all over him because he’s technically “fair game.”
“Please say something,” Finn whispers, pressing his forehead to mine, and my throat aches with repressed sobs.
I can’t make a decision.
Not now.
Not yet.
“I need to go.” I pull his hands off my face, and I swear something shatters in his eyes.
“No, wait. Don’t leave. Please.” His hand flies out to catch my wrist before I can open my car door, and the desperation in his voice nearly breaks me. It takes all the willpower in my body to take my hand back.
“I gave you time. Now, I need you to do the same for me.”
Swallowing hard, Finn gives a small nod. Then I get inside my car, cast a final glance toward the boy with the damaged heart…
And drive away.
* * *
I could write a book out of the thousand places where I would rather be right now. My bed, for example. Or a bubble bath. Yet, here I am, walking toward Theo’s party when all I want to do is run the other way.
Loud music emanates from Theo’s backyard, the beat mixing with the distant chatter of the basketball team, and I make a mental note to never again attend a party where ninety-nine percent of the guest list are guys.
Well, technically, Aveena’s here, too, but that’s only because Xavier doesn’t know how to breathe without her, and Finn said he wouldn’t go if I wasn’t invited.
Finn…
I have no idea what I’m going to say to him. I haven’t heard a peep from him since I drove away yesterday. I can’t blame him. I’m the one who asked for some time, but I still catch myself double-checking my phone every five seconds.
I hate how much I miss him. I hate that doing what’s best for my sanity felt like the worst decision for my heart. I feel like a monster for giving him an ultimatum. It’s not like he hasn’t made any efforts since we met. The guy went from being anti-dating to holding my hand in the halls, showing me off to everyone, waiting by my locker every day. He obviously has some sort of mental block about commitment, but it doesn’t take away from all the progress he’s made. Maybe I was too harsh.
God, what if I made a mistake?
Doubt weighs me down as I make a beeline for Theo’s backyard. I push the gate open, greeted by basketball-themed balloons, a blue banner that says Duke, bitches! and a massive cake with Theo’s and Xavier’s jersey numbers on it. As expected, the backyard is packed with drunk basketball players. Every guy in my line of vision is wearing blue-and-white face paint—Duke’s colors, probably—to celebrate Theo and Xavier being the chosen ones.
I spot Xavier, Theo, and a few other guys from the team gathered around a beer pong table. Aveena pops up next to her boyfriend the next second, and Xavier immediately stretches his arm around her neck to kiss her.
She grins through the kiss, swatting his chest when the guys start whistling, telling them to get a room, but Xavier doesn’t give two shits about their teasing, kissing his girl until Theo fake gags. I smile, a drop of envy contaminating the joy I feel for my best friend.
I scan the backyard for Finn, but he’s nowhere to be found. Normally wherever Xavier goes, Finn follows, but for some reason, he’s missing from the group. The last time we talked about Theo’s party, he said he was coming. Did he change his mind?
That’s when Aveena sees me standing in the corner and removes Xavier’s arm from her shoulders. She tells him something I can’t hear and pecks his mouth before making her way over to me.
She’s wearing an oversized blue Duke University T-shirt and white shorts, her pink hair stopping inches under her breasts—she dyed her hair on a whim a few months ago. I notice she has a basketball going through a hoop painted on her right cheek as she moves closer. She looks radiant. Meanwhile, I feel dead inside.
I shouldn’t have come.
