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I snicker. “Why do I feel like the pool house is the first place you’ll go?”
Rigger smirks. “Because you know me.”
When his eyes travel down the front of my body, I try to deny the heat that burns through to my bones. He looks away quickly, as if to deny the same.
“We do know each other. More than we should.”
His head tilts to the side and he takes a step closer to me. “More than we should, huh. You regret knowing me that well?”
“No. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant, more than we should, given that we’re only friends.”
His jaw flexes. “Vay, we’re more than friends. We may not be a couple but to say that we’re only friends is a goddamn lie and you know it.”
I narrow my eyes at him and he backs away, face hung. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. My bad.” He lets out a gritty sigh, then gestures between us. “This is hard for me. Not being able to …”
“Not being able to what?”
His gaze navigates to my lips. “Never mind. I’ll do my walk-around and get out of here. Tell Greer I won’t go near the forbidden areas.”
He starts to walk off and I get that sickness in my gut. The one that feels like the perfect blend of heartache, sadness, grief, and just downright lonesomeness.
“What took you so long?”
“What?” He turns to face me.
“To tell me how you feel? Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
“I was with Holly. You were with Devin. I had strong doubts that you were a lesbian. But you got up with that bozo so damn fast, Vay. You sent my heart into a tailspin.” He bumps his chest with a fist. “And I don’t admit that easily.”
I ignore the fact that he called Ben a bozo because the rest of his confession sendsmeinto a tailspin. I have to chew my lips because I want to say something, I just don’t know what.
Sometimes people admit things to you that you’ve waited forever to hear. And when you finally do hear them it shatters your heart into a million pieces and leaves you speechless.
“Maybe it’s easy to admit now because you know I’m taken. Maybe things would still be the same between us if I’d never met Ben.”
“Are you suggesting that I only kissed you because I know you’re unavailable?”
“I’m saying it’s possible. I don’t know, Rig.”
He laughs. A pissed off, angry laugh that says unequivocally he disagrees. “Well, I do know. But again it’s not my place to convince you of that. You’ve made your choice. Tonight I just want to be sure you’re safe. That’s all I came here to do. That’s … all I’ve ever wanted to do.”
When Rigger turns on his heels it feels like I’ve been sucker punched in the chest. I stand there and watch him until he’s out of sight, then go back inside. Greer is in the kitchen, pouring another glass of wine. I get a clean one and shove it in her direction.
“Everything okay, chickie?”
“Yup. Fill’er up.”
Chapter 19
At 4:00 in the morning I awaken, burning up a sweat. Ritz is sleeping next to me but he’s wedged his body between me and a pillow. I always forget that he does this the first night we’re here. Like he’s forgotten this is a familiar place. Tomorrow he’ll go back to ignoring me except at mealtime like a normal cat.
I push him gently out of the way and walk to the bathroom. I don’t usually have to pee during the night but Greer and I drank two bottles of wine last night and I’m paying for it with a thumpy head and an overactive bladder. I fill up a glass of water and drink it down with two aspirin, when a flash of light out the window catches my attention. I part the mini blinds and peer out, moving my gaze over the pool, then the pool house, and through the thin line of trees behind that. When I don’t see anything I go back to bed and sleep fitfully for the next two hours. I haven’t had this much weighing on my mind since my mother died.
As I roll out of bed in the morning, I’m grateful I don’t have a hangover and that Ritz didn’t wake me up by standing on my chest. I hit the gym in Daddy’s wing and, after showering, make my way to the kitchen to see if Greer is even up. She’s sitting at the bar, sipping coffee and eating a bowl of fruit.
“Good morning, sunshine. How did you sleep?” she chirps.
“Like a newborn babe.”
