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“Me too,” she clips out.
When I’d gotten home after 11:00, I’d seen that Devin had tried calling me several times. She was so icy when I tried talking to her that I’d given up, and we’d gone to sleep without a goodnight.
“He showed up about five minutes after you left, dressed in a suit.” She lets out a sad laugh. “I actually thought he was going to the party with you, that maybe you’d gotten your signals crossed and he showed up here to pick you up. It sounds nuts now that I’m saying it out loud.”
“That’s because it is nuts.”
She moves to me, apologetic and warm, sets her hand on mine that’s resting on the surface of the bar. “I was wrong, Tove. Accusing you of being all about the dick. That was mean.”
I look into her eyes, gray as storm clouds. And I realize that I owe her the same honesty she’s finally given me here.
“It wasn’t mean, Dev. It was … true.”
Her lips part and her hand slides away.
I exhale a little guilt and continue. “I don’t know that I’mall about it.Can’t know that about something you’ve never tried. But … I definitely need to find out.”
I don’t know who I’m kidding, though. I already know that I’mmostlyabout it. The way my body reacted to Ben compared to the way it reacted to Devin? There’s no comparison. Even right now. All I can think about is Ben’s lips on mine. Maybe what happened to me when I was little messed me up for life. Maybe I’ll never know what my sexual orientation is because of that.
The look that Devin is giving me right now makes me want to explain. I’ve told her little. She knows about my mother being killed, and why. I’ve hinted at that traumatic event as being the root cause for my uncertainty. My curiosity, if you will. She just doesn’t know that there was so much more.
“You should find out. Can’t say it doesn’t make me a little jealous to think about it.” She moves a hand to her stomach. “But I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t support your decision.”
She slides the key off the counter, grips it in her fist. And what she said when she first got here hits me.
“Wait. You said you wouldn’t have come if you knew I was home. How did you expect to get in? Swain gave me your spare key.”
She shakes her head, reaches in her pocket. “I have another. Thanks for the reminder. Meant to give it back as soon as I walked in.”
“Okay. Any other surprises?”
“Nope.” After plunking the extra key on the counter she walks toward the door, pausing to bend down and pet Ritz.
“I’ll miss you too, asshole,” she mutters.
I try to think of something to say. But all the things I should say just seem either inadequate, or insensitive.
“Good luck with Swain. I hope you two can make a go of it.”
She tosses a look over her shoulder, lips curled. “Yeah. We’ll see. I’m staying at my parents now. If you ever need anything.”
She turns to look me dead in the eye but I don’t say thanks, or anything for that matter. I don’t know what silent message is in that stare. I just think she’s sad and hoping I will need her for something when I know that I won’t.
The moment she’s gone, I look at the picture of the business card again, the logo being an eye imbedded within a thumbprint. I get a piece of paper and write the info down.
Jackson Dane
Private Investigator
Discreet, professional, affordable.
There’s a phone number and a fax, an email address. No website. No mailing address.
I immediately call the number and it rings four times before I get the voicemail. “This is Jackson Dane, leave me a message and I’ll get back with you as soon as I can.”
All I say is that I’m interested in his services, if he could he call me back that would be great. I don’t leave a name. I need the upper hand on this one.
When I hang up my hands are shaking, my fingertips tingling. I go change clothes and pull my hair into a ponytail, then make my way to the fitness room to hit the elliptical. Just the few days that I’ve missed has me itching to blow off some serious steam. Besides, the elliptical is where I’ve planned a lot of my pre-kill moves.
