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PROLOGUE
SUNNY
Finally, six hours into my shift on this early December day and I can sit my ass down on the chair. It’s been a rough day and one I wouldn’t want to ever repeat. We lost two kids today on the pediatrics floor and to say it isn’t wearing on my soul is a complete lie. I chose to work with kids because they’re the angels of this world, and God, they’re so resilient. I remember I was the only one who graduated from my nursing class that chose pediatrics. Most of the men and women I went to school with chose to stay in family medicine, emergency medicine, obstetrics, or plastics. But me, I had to be different. I chose pediatric oncology. It’s something I’ve been passionate about for years, and Iknew,in my heart, it was the right place for me. Immediately after I obtained my degree, I went in for my certifications because I wanted to land my dream job on the first attempt. Thankfully, I did.
Now it’s been five months since I’ve been employed by the hospital, and I work on the fifth floor. Our entire floor is dedicated to oncology patients under the age of eighteen. I’ve seen it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly . . . yet still, I come to work every day and expect it to be better than the last. While some days this is obtainable, on others it isn’t. Some days I go home to my apartment and question everything. I punch my fists into my bed and ask the higher powers why they call these tiny angels home to them, and as always, I get no answer. On nights like those, I end up crying myself to sleep, hoping for change. No, that’s not right. Iprayfor it.
My phone buzzing on the desk in front of me pulls me from my inner thoughts. The screen reads ‘Octavia’, my daughter, so I immediately answer it. “Hi, sweetie.”
“Hey, Mom. You doing okay? You sound exhausted.” Octavia has always been so perceptive. Sometimes too much if you ask me. Even when she was a little girl, and her father was running me through the wringer, she could see I was emotionally drained. I’d never lie to her, but I didn’t tell her what she didn’t need to know. I was never going to pit her against her father, even if he was being a dog. It’s crazy to me that twenty-five years have gone by, and he’s finally begun to transform himself into the man I always wanted.
“I’m fine, baby. Just life, you know? Days can be really hard here. How’s my darling little Neo?” Neo, is my grandson, and the pride and joy of my life. Octavia and Neo live with her husband, Zane, up in Billings, Montana. She’s lived there with Zane for a while now, and Neo is about one-and-a-half. He’s just like his father, always running to everything. Honestly, he never started with walking. The boy ran first.
“He’s great, as always. Zane has him in the office right now while he gets some paperwork done.” I can practically hear her smile through the phone.
God, I’m so happy for her. She’s created quite the life for herself, even after all the tragedies she’s experienced.
“I really hope I can get a few days off soon and come see you guys. I miss my little man so much.”
“Speaking of that, I was calling to see if you were coming for Christmas. I know you said you were going to ask your boss a couple weeks back, but I hadn’t heard anything since . . .” There’s a reason behind that. My boss said no and gave me some big speech about how the nurses with seniority have the right to request off around the holidays and not the newbies.
Running a hand over my forehead, I try to figure out a way to break this to her. Even though she’s in her twenties and she’s technically an adult, I still don’t like to disappoint her.
“I’m so sorry, baby, but I can’t get off work. He said I might be able to come up around Valentine’s Day . . . but Christmas and New Year’s Day are a no-go.” Guilt spreads through me like wildfire as I await her response, praying she’ll understand.
“Dammit, I thought so. I just wish you were going to be here. Neo is so much more active, and this year things will be so different.”
“I know, baby, I’m praying next year I can be there, but I’m going to do everything I can to be there around Valentine’s Day.”
A good five seconds of silence pass us by before she clears her throat. Instantly, I can tell she’s disappointed. “It’s okay, Mom. Like, seriously. It sucks, but I’ll be okay. You’re gonna be with kids who need you on Christmas anyways.” That’s my girl, looking at it in a positive light.
I nod even though she can’t see me. “Yeah, I have no idea how many parents will actually be here. Most of them work two to three jobs just to afford the treatments their kids need. It’s horrible how they work themselves into the ground.”
“They’ll do anything to save their babies, Mom. You and I would do the same, and you know it.”
“Darn straight,” I comment. Normally I curse like a damn sailor, but at work, I’m not allowed to say any bad words . . . so I watch my mouth quite a bit here.
“Okay, well, I’ll let you go. You’re probably at work anyway.”
“Yep, you know it. Thanks for calling baby. I missed your voice.”
“Of course. Let me know when your next day off is, and I’ll video chat you with Neo. He misses his Mimi so much.” Mimi sounds much better than granny or nana. I’m only forty-seven, so I wanted to have a name that would somewhat preserve my youth.
“Sounds great. I love you, sweetie. Give Zane and Neo my love.”
“Love you too, Mom. I will.” The phone clicks as the call ends, and my charge nurse, Marjorie, comes strutting up with a stressed-out expression crossing her face. Her brows are drawn together, and she appears to be stuck deep in thought. I place my phone back down on the desk.
“You okay?” I ask her. She immediately comes over to the station and leans her elbows on the other side.
“I wish. Our Santa just canceled. What the hockey sticks are we supposed to do now.” I have to stop myself from laughing at her insertion of hockey sticks instead of saying hell, but I know her struggle. We can’t curse here, even when we want to. “I mean, we have enough to worry about, and now I have to go chase down another Santa who will donate his time to be here. God, it’s horrible.”
I place my hand over hers and give her a reassuring squeeze. “You leave the Santa business to me. I think I can figure something out.”
“Are you serious? Like, are youserious, serious?”
I nod my head. “Yep, I know someone who owes me a favor and said he’d do anything to repay me. He’s not chunky, but he has a great beard. I’d just need to get him a Santa costume and maybe a pillow to put under his costume.”
“Oh, God. That would be great. If you pull this off, I’ll put in a good word for you up the pipeline.”
