Page 13 of The Story of Us


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Sometimes it happened like that. Plans changed, orders came quickly. It was an adventure, I told myself, and tried not to feel overwhelmed and frustrated as we settled in Norfolk. This was my way of life now. It was strange and mostly wonderful for a small-town Texas girl. Like diving into the cold, clear water of Eagle Lake back home, I plunged into the unfamiliar culture of military life. I tried not to dwell on the uncertainties and usually succeeded.

That’s what love did for me. Come what may, I knew I was blessed because I had a husband who was my lover, my best friend, my whole world. I learned to read his moods, to know whether the lines in his face appeared there from laughter or fatigue.

Then one day, I sensed a difference in him. A strange tension hung in the air of our small apartment, and that night I discovered the reason.

He held me and kissed me, and then spoke the word that would make all the difference in the years to come.

Deployment.

It’s not in most people’s vocabulary and if it is, it’s an abstract concept. But to a Navy wife, the word is chillingly real. It means she is being left by her husband. Instead of being a married woman, she’ll exist in some strange limbo, married but alone. As a Navy wife, I knew I’d take pride in the crisp uniforms, the ceremonies, the powerful sense of duty that drove my husband. I also knew there would be times of loneliness and uncertainty, and perhaps a heady sense of being completely on my own.

Gossip was rampant around the base, as it always is before a big deployment. So much secrecy surrounded the mission of Steve’s battle group that I imagined the worst—that his duties would put him in harm’s way. What I eventually came to understand was that in carrier aviation, personnel were always in harm’s way. The very nature of the work was perilous.

Whenever I confessed those worries, Steve would tell me how rigorously the Navy trains its personnel in every operation, for every eventuality.

“Promise me something,” he said the night before he left. “Promise you’ll still be here when I get back.”

I thought he was joking, so I laughed. “Where else would I be?”

“I mean it, Gracie.”

I caught a note in his voice I’d never heard before. Some of the more experienced Navy wives I’d met had told me that predeployment was a tense time in a marriage. Tempers wore thin, stressed by the upheaval of preparation and unspoken fears about separation. Perhaps that was why he seemed so intense, I thought.

“Of course I’ll be here,” I said. “It’s what we signed up for, and we’ll get through it.” I hugged him, pressing my cheek to his chest. Ah, it was such luxury to love this man, to feel his body close to mine. I would miss him every moment. “I swear I’ll be here waiting for you, Steve.”

And with that, the moment passed. I never thought of it again.

As Steve packed his gear and laid out his crisply pressed dress uniform for the next morning’s farewell ceremonies, I felt such love and pride that my chest ached. It was terrible and strange and exhilarating all at once. I knew I was watching the person I loved going for his dream.

Chapter Fifteen

On the day Steve left for a six-month deployment, the docks were crowded with couples and families saying goodbye. Yes, I felt it, the sense of pride and purpose. How could I not, surrounded by such splendid ceremony? Still new to this military life, I think I was a little stunned. The reality was closing in fast. At the end of the day, the families of these men and women would be faced with long separations—and this was only the first of many to come.

I watched Steve’s face, tried to figure out the right way to say goodbye. I had already decided he’d hear no complaints from me. In order to come home safely to me, Steve needed to feel confident that things on the home front would be all right. I never wanted him to feel distracted or worried about me.

And, of course, I had no idea how very much he would worry about his wife at home. But even that did not interfere with his goal. He was off to follow his dream and do his duty, and my duty was to support that. I was fearful and excited for him. For me as well. What sort of person would I be on my own? Although I would miss my husband, I was interested to find out. I’d gone from my parents’ house to the sorority house to this marriage, and I’d never been completely on my own. This was going to be my time.

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