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“I had no idea you were so unhappy.”
“It wasn’t that I was unhappy. I felt guilty that we hadn’t had a child. I wanted you to have everything. I’m your husband. I wanted you to be happy, and I knew how much a baby meant to you. I felt inadequate seeing you so anxious. The week that Deidre and I spent so much time on a computer problem in her business, I felt part of what was going on, enthusiastic that we would succeed.
“Deidre had a successful start-up of her new computer system thanks, in large part, to my company. I was completely engaged in what I was doing. When we ended the week by crossing that business line, I felt lousy. Really lousy. I never told you about it because I was ashamed. You’re my wife. I love you with all my heart. And I did something I should never have done.”
He reached across the table, his fingers touching hers. “I don’t want to dwell on the past. We have a bright future ahead of us. I want to resolve things so that we can be a family—you, me and Emma. What can I do to make that happen?” he asked, his smile wrapping around her in a wave of love that left her breathless and her heart thudding against her throat.
They were all wonderful feelings that couldn’t mask the hurt roaring through her at his admission. “Did you ever consider how hard trying to get pregnant was for me? Yes, I did want a baby more than you did. So you can imagine how painful it was for me to learn that, after a couple of nights with a virtual stranger, you were able to have a child with her, a woman you claim not to care about.
“And even worse, when you find out you had a daughter by this woman, you act as if the only people who matter are you and Emma. You make your plans without talking them over with me. And I’m expected, as usual, to simply go along with what you want.”
“And that was a mistake on my part. I want to change how I do things. From here on, we will talk through things, and you will see that I’m serious about taking your feelings into account.”
“Okay, so you’re back and suddenly what I want and think is important to you.” She didn’t try to hide the skepticism she was feeling.
“Grace, I don’t know what to say or how to say it. Only that if we continue to go over all the mistakes I’ve made, we will never be able to move on. As much as it hurts you, there is no way to change the past.”
“How would you suggest I move on? How do I get over your mistakes, your lack of respect for me?” she asked, trying to ease the anger building up in her.
“I never meant to hurt you. You don’t believe that right now, but it’s true. I didn’t mean to leave you out, but there was a little girl, and I was responsible for her.”
“And you had a wife who had just gotten the shock of her life when she learned that her husband had had a child by a woman he hardly knew. You never once asked me what I needed, how badly I was feeling or what I thought we should do. You were bringing your child into our marriage without ever consulting me on how we should do it,” she said, her voice rising.
Aidan looked startled, the smile on his face disappearing, replaced by a tiny frown. “Grace, I admit I made a mistake in not talking everything over with you. I’m here now to fix that. But since we’re talking about the past, I did everything you wanted when we were trying to get pregnant without having much say in the plan. I trusted we were doing the right thing for you and me. I was happy to go along because I trusted that what the doctors were saying and your belief in what we were doing would give us what we wanted. I never once balked at anything, or questioned what was going on. I was simply trying to make you happy.”
“Making me happy. Is that what all that effort and loss meant to you? You went along with getting pregnant to make me happy?” she asked, searching for a way to stay calm. If Aidan thought that all of this was only about making her happy…
