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“When will I ever see you again?” she asks. I rub her back gently with long, steady strokes. Now’s the time. I need to tell her.
“I don’t know, but I hope we get to see each other again. Soon.”
Shawna lifts her head to look at me, then plants her lips on mine. We kiss sweet and slow at first, but then our feelings intensify. Shawna tugs on my hair. I moan and pull her body closer to mine. I want her. I want to feel her naked body against mine and make her come over and over like last night. I want to take her back to my hotel room now, but I need to be honest with her first.
I break our kiss. “I need to tell you something, Shawna.”
“What is it?” she asks, kissing my neck.
I just need to say it. Rip it off like a Band-Aid and get it over with.
She kisses behind my ear, and it sends a shiver down my body. I pull back and look her in the eyes. My heart is pounding, and I hope she doesn’t hate me for what I’m about to say. “I’m not really in the Navy anymore.”
Shawna lets go of me and her brows knit in. “What do you mean?” she asks, her voice stern.
“I was in the Navy for several years—a Navy SEAL, in fact—but now I work for a private security company in San Diego.”
She steps back and crosses her arms over her chest. “What the fuck do you mean? You’ve been lying to me?”
“I had to,” I explain, hoping she forgives me. “Rob and I were sent here on a security detail, and I had to stick to our story. I didn’t think you and I would hit it off so well and end up seeing each other. I didn’t want to keep lying to you, and that’s why I’m being truthful now.”
She doesn’t say anything for a moment. She just glares at me, and I wonder what’s going on behind those beautiful blue eyes of hers.
“What kind of security detail were you sent here for?” she finally breaks her silence and asks.
For some reason, telling her about Jarred and the fact that I’m looking for him doesn’t seem like the right thing to do now. She’ll figure out that I knew who she was before I met her and think that I only dated her to get closer to Jarred. Telling her that bit of information is not a good idea right now.
I’ll get to that later.
“We were looking for a guy wanted by the FBI, but it turns out it was a bad lead to come here. That’s why we’re being sent back tomorrow.” There. I was truthful without being completely candid with her. Honestly, I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to tell her the truth about Jarred.
“How do I know you’re telling me the truth now?” Shawna asks, practically yelling. “How am I supposed to trust anything you say?”
Digging my wallet out of my back pocket, I say, “Here. I’ll show you my company ID. Please, just listen and let me explain everything. I want you to know the truth about me. About my life. I care a lot about you, and I don’t want to leave tomorrow without you knowing the real me.”
I hold out my Cole Security ID. Shawna takes it from me, inspects it carefully, then hands it back. “Okay. So. Tell me.”
Sliding my ID back into my wallet, I return it to my pocket. Taking a deep breath, I lean my elbows against the pier’s railing and begin. “Everything I told you about my life and being in the Navy is true. The only part I left out is that I was a SEAL. I was sent on dangerous missions, and things got … rough, to say the least. I saw a lot of bad things happen. Devastating stuff. Lost a few good buddies. You know how it goes.”
Glancing at Shawna, I see she’s listening intently, but she still looks apprehensive. Her arms remain crossed as she leans her back against the railing, facing the opposite direction as me. I feel like an ass for lying to her, but I was doing my job. I just hope the next part I’m about to say doesn’t upset her more.
“There’s another thing I never told you.” Looking out across the dark water, I take a deep breath and hope she doesn’t walk away from me when I say this. “I was married.”
Silence. She hasn’t walked away, but she’s also not saying a word. I look at her again and see that she’s staring straight ahead. Her lips are pursed, and she looks mad, hurt, let down.
She turns her head to look at me. “Keep talking,” she says, void of emotion. I’m not sure how she’ll handle this news, but I have to tell her the rest, so I continue.
“She was my high school sweetheart. She lived in our hometown while I was on tours of duty. It was after one of my tours when she got pregnant. We were elated, excited to bring a baby into the world.”
Shawna turns to me. “You have a kid.” Her question is more of a monotone statement.
“No,” I reply instantly. “When my wife was six months pregnant, she was in a horrible car accident. Both she and the baby were killed.”
I hang my head. I haven’t talked about Hannah with anyone in so long, saying those words out loud still chokes me up.
Shawna doesn’t say anything, but her hand gently caresses my back. It’s a comforting gesture, and it brings tears to my eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” she says. Her voice sounds like she’s fighting back tears. “I can’t imagine how hard that must’ve been for you.”
