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“It’s not lighting for Billie,” Dice said.
Connor hummed. I took a long, deep breath.
“Get on again,” Cookie said.
I would’ve declined if I didn’t think they’d all drag me on anyway. The switch was flipped. Even the test light appeared a little duller, like I was sucking the life out of the machine.
Three hums sounded around me. If I heard another hum, I might have to start slashing vocal cords.
Tuning them out, I fixated on the one dull bulb. Was this a setup so I wouldn’t attempt to go into Nowhere? I glanced at the three hummers. This did not appear to be some master plan, as convenient as that would be.
Ihadto get back Topside, and in order to do that, I might need to go to Nowhere. Now my chances of getting out of here seemed even worse. Instead of transitioning, I was stagnating. This was the only place that didn’t make me feel like I was going to die after a day, but it dulled my brain and sapped all the joy out of my life.
I hadn’t been paying any attention to anyone else in the room until someone said, “Kaden.”
“Did you just call Kaden?” I asked, catching Connor with his phone halfway to his pocket.
“Yeah. Figured he needed to see this. Something is definitely wrong.” He wasn’t looking at the machine anymore but at me. So were the other two. We’d transitioned from restarting the machine to trying to determine if there was a way to reset me.
Yeah, this wasn’t a staged plan. You couldn’t fake this level of confusion.
“I really don’t think Kaden needs to come. You should call him back and tell him to forget about it. I’m sure something will kick in soon,” I said, not believing that for a second.
They all looked at me as if I were stupid.
“Too late. He said he was on his way over,” Connor said.
“Call him back and tell him not to. I don’t want to bother him. I’m sure this can wait,” I said.
The last time Kaden saw me, I’d nearly had a panic attack. Something about being so raw in front of him yesterday… I didn’t do that. I didn’t have those, or not in front of people. That wasn’t who I was.
The sound of a door closing in the distance signaled that it was indeed too late. Kaden walked into the room a moment later.
“What’s the issue?” he asked, glancing in my direction, because of course he’d assume the problem had to do with me. It very muchwasmy issue, but it was hard not to resent the assumption.
“I don’t think she’s transitioning,” Dice said. “At all.”
“Not even a little,” Cookie added, because she really enjoyed having her opinion out there for the world to hear.
“It could be the machine. It’s not necessarily me,” I said, trying to sound strong, the exact opposite of the woman who’d nearly had a meltdown in front of Kaden.
He gazed down at my sweatpants. “What are you wearing?” he asked, as if I were in some alien gear he’d never seen.
“Sweatpants?” The drawers in the suite had been filled with brand-new clothes with tags. I’d thought they’d been put there for me, and as I had limited items…
“What’s on them?” he asked, as if he’d never seen them before.
“Strawberry Shortcake.” As soon as I put them on, they’d made me feel a little bit better. They reminded me of the dolls my grandmother had gotten me as a child, not that he deserved to know anything about that. His gaze moved to the slippers that looked like little Shih Tzus stuck to my feet.
He shook his head but turned his attention back to his people had huddled up to discuss me.“How many lights is she getting?” Kaden asked.
“Only the test light,” Cookie said, and it was clear she was putting up a valiant effort not to laugh.
“That’s it?” Kaden asked.
Cookie cleared her throat, trying to disguise her laughter. There was some more coughing, as the urge to break into hysterics seemed to be spreading.
“Go,” Kaden said, waving to the door. “I’ll handle this.”
