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“You did good today, Poppy June.” She kissed my temple, smoothed my hair. “I’m just so proud of you, do you know that?”
I leaned into her when she wrapped an arm around me. “Thanks, Mama.”
“I wish your daddy was here to see you.”
“Me too.”
“Although I have a feeling he would have run Duke out of town the second he was dumb enough to cross city limits.”
I chuckled. “Duke’s not as bad as I thought.”
She pretended to check me for a fever. “You feelin’ all right, honey?”
“As much as I’d like to believe he’s evil, he isn’t. If he wins, the town wouldn’t suffer.”
“Okay, that’s it—I’m calling the doctor.”
Laughing, I snagged her hand. “If he wins. You think I’m gonna let that happen?”
“Not if you can help it.”
“Exactly. But…” I sighed. “It might have been his plan all along, but he made me remember who he was. Who he is—I no longer believe he could disappear completely. It’d be easier if he had, but he can’t erase that part of himself no matter how hard he tries. I just wish he’d quit trying.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re not storming around here like a hurricane anymore. I feared for your Nonnie’s china.”
We walked into the house toward the garden courtyard, the foliage bathed in moonlight.
“Who would have thought Duke and I would figure out how to get along?”
“I knew you had it in you. I mean, you were in love with him, once upon a time.”
“We were just kids, Mama.”
“The love we have when we’re just kids makes a mark you can’t erase, no matter how many years, no matter how many miles.”
“Don’t you think that’s just… I don’t know. Hormones?”
“Sure, and the newness of it all. But that doesn’t change what it means to us. How could it? It shapes how we view love and the world, becomes a part of us. Deep down, you still love Duke and he still loves you. Those people you were still exist.”
“Duke’s changed, though. So have I.”
“People don’t change—they grow. Look.” We stepped outside, stopping in front of a cluster of birds-of-paradise. She held a bloom in her palm. “This flower can’t be anything but what it is. Once, it was just a little cluster of shiny leaves. Someday, it’ll be like its grandaddy.” We looked up at the broad, towering leaves of one of the oldest plants. “They’re all three the same as they ever were. They just grew up. But growth isn’t always pretty. Sometimes, it happens in conditions that leave you broken, twisted. Replant it, give it care and love, and it can thrive.”
“Do you think Duke just needs replanting?”
Mama shrugged, smiling small, cupping my cheek. “Maybe so. But despite what you might see, he hasn’t changed all that much.” She sighed, yawned. “I’m gonna turn into a pumpkin in a minute, baby. You go get some rest too. We’ve got a big week coming up, and we’re gonna need all the sleep we can get. God knows it’ll be in short supply until the election is over.”
The election. All Duke and I had left were a few days, a collection of scattered hours. I counted them as Mama and I said our goodnights and headed to our rooms. Not that I was staying in mine.
One of the many benefits of having a big, single-story house was that my mother was far enough away from my room and the exits that sneaking out took virtually no stealth. But I was far more nervous as an adult than I ever was as a teenager sneaking out to see Duke. When I was in high school, it was a known quantity by all parties. As an adult in an election against him, getting busted would have intense and unwanted repercussions. Getting grounded would have been a gift by comparison.
My mind was a thick and tangled jungle as I pulled on my canvas sneakers and checked my hair in the bedroom mirror. As I climbed out the window and hiked in the direction of the pond, I tried to hack through the vines and underbrush of my thoughts, but I had no bearings. I didn’t know which way to go, didn’t know if there was a way out.
Deep down, you still love Duke and he still loves you.
My heart threw itself at my sternum just like it did when Mama had said it. The truth of it was shocking, and I thrashed against it, wanting to deny it. Wanting to say it was a lie, that it was impossible. I didn’t want it to be true. But it was.
I still fucking loved him, despite everything.
I rushed into the woods, my throat tight and ribs aching. I didn’t want this, but I’d all but asked for it. Welcomed it. Even now, knowing what I knew, I would still go to him. I would still fall into his arms and lose a little piece of myself, just like I did every time we were together. He chipped away at me, bit by bit. By the time he left, there would be nothing left.
