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I sigh. If getting her off minutes after leaving dinner with Ellie wasn’t enough to convince her things are long over between us, I’m not sure what will. I don’t even know how much of this is about Ellie. I think it stems more from the other reasons she won’t entertain the possibility of us being more than a string of hot hookups and whispered conversations.
The disappointment and frustration show on my face, I know. We’re in a relationship she refuses to call one. I agreed to temporary. I knew when I joined this tour, my time on it would end when the European dates did.
Thanks to the gossiping members of the band, I know Devon is fully recovered and already waiting in Nashville, where the US dates are supposed to pick back up.
I won’t beg her to reconsider, to not walk away from us again. But I’m not going to pretend it’s what I want.
“I think you care too much about how Ellie feels,” I tell her. “She and I aren’t together. We haven’t been together for a long time. And when we were together, it wasn’t serious, Sutton. She was trying to forget about losing her dad, and I was trying to forget about losing my mom, and it was easy. Not in a good way, but in a stuck way. And I’m sick ofyoubeingstuckon it. If all we’ll ever be is this tour, fine. But Ellie can’t keep being the fucking reason, okay?”
“She cried for weeks after you broke up, Teddy. You guys talked about college and marriage. Thatisserious. Don’t act like I wasn’t there, like I didn’t have to see it.”
“We were kids! Who talked about the future because we had messy home lives and wanted some stability. And it didn’t happen. None of it.”
“She’ll never forgive me.”
“And you two talk all the time now?”
She scoffs, acting like we don’t both know I’m right.
“You thought she was my first? We never even had sex, Sutton. Whatever Ellie told you, whatever she wanted to believe that we were…weweren’t.”
Sutton opens and closes her mouth twice, obviously unsure of what to say in response.
“Just like we’re everything you like to pretend we’re not.”
“I don’t—”
“Youdo, Sutton. And I’m…” I exhale. “I can’t keep doing this—”
The pod stops, and the doors glide open. But neither of us moves. There’s a finality to it. We won’t just be leaving a physical bubble, but a metaphorical one too. A fantasy where we were a united front, not two separate people.
“You’re breaking up with me?”
“How could I do that, Sutton? We’ve nevereverbeen together.”
I step out onto the platform and head toward the stairs.
