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Chapter 62
Cash
TessaandMarionbookendGrace’s bed as I pace the hall in front of her door. The nurse tried to say that I couldn’t stay since Grace said she didn’t know me, but the look in my eyes combined with the persuasion of Marion changed the nurse’s mind. I couldn’t exactly offer to buy the entire wing of the hospital, considering I just transferred my entire bank account to my dead father, but I would have given my left hand to be near Grace.
“She’s going to get her memory back,” Frank reminds me, trying to get me to stand still.
“You don’t know that.”
“Cash—she’s going to be fine. Your baby is going to be fine. They are both alive…she’s just shaken up.”
“And it’s my goddamn fault!”
Frank doesn’t flinch. He stares at me as my breath comes out rapidly. I’m out of my mind with guilt. “It’s my fault, Frank. I should have told her months ago that her mother was meeting with my father. Maybe then…”
Frank shakes his head. “No one thought for a second your father would do something like this.”
I slam my fist against the wall. “I knew! I knew what he was capable of. He’s a monster. And I’m the one who made him that way!”
The door to Grace’s room flies open, and Marion stands there with her lips tight, her eyes wary, and I can see that she’s pissed. “Don’t make me regret letting you stay,” she says crossly, her finger pointing at me as she stares me down.
Shame pulls at my shoulders, and they sag lamely. I rake my hand through my hair and clear my throat. “I’m sorry.”
Her eyes soften. “She’s going to wake up and she’s going to remember you,” she says softly, walking closer.
My voice cracks as I try to tell her my struggle. “It’s my fault. All of this is my fault.”
Marion shakes her head. “No, Cash. Your father was a sick man. You can’t blame yourself for what he did.”
Using the yellow hospital wall to hold myself up, I recall his final words. “He wanted me to watch Grace die. Just like he watched my mother…” my voice cracks. “He said I killed her. That me being born…” I hazard a breath. “Me being born cost Cat and Carter their mother. Him his wife. That’s why he tried to kill Grace. It’s my fault.”
Frank sighs as he settles himself down in a chair next to us.
Marion’s eye roll is slight as she huffs out a breath. “God, that man…” She looks to the ceiling, maybe to talk to God, maybe to talk to my mother. “He wasn’t always like that. Her death changed him. Honestly, I always believed he loved your mother in the same way I’ve seen you love Grace. All-consuming, all-encompassing, she was everything to him. She was everything to everyone. But her kids were everything to her.Youwere everything to her. And he was jealous of how much she loved you three kids.”
I rub at my chest. I can’t imagine being jealous of my child. Of not wanting Grace to love her with everything she has. Knowing that Grace has enough love for the both of us.
My heart aches as I realize that Grace may not love me though. She doesn’t even remember me. What if sheneverremembers me?
My head pounds as I try to shake the thought and focus on something—onanythingelse. “What was she like?”
Marion hums. “Who?”
“My mother…what was she like?”
Her entire demeanor shifts and a smile lifts her lips. “She was happiness personified. She found joy in everything. Her name was how she lived her life, with hope. And Cash, her three favorite things in the world were you and your siblings.”
The image she conjures, the lightness she describes, it both lifts me up and scratches at me. “I know she was like that with Carter and Cat, but with me…she was sick,” I venture.
Marion’s smile is wistful. “And yet she smiled bigger when you were born than I’d ever seen her smile before. She knew she had a battle ahead of her, but she wanted you so badly and you were such a good baby. Carter had been colicky, and Cat was demanding in her constant cries, but you brought a mellowness to the entire house. And honestly, I think her nighttime feedings, and the naps you two took together, brought her more joy in the last years of her life than you can imagine.” Tears prick Marion’s eyes, and I feel my throat clog. “You were everything she wanted, Cash. Her only regret was that she couldn’t be your mother for longer. If love was enough, she’d be right here next to you right now.”
My chest grows tight, and Marion steps closer, pulling my rigid body into her arms. For a moment, I allow myself to fall apart. Crying over the loss of my mother, all that we missed out on, and over how little I can control the future. I can’t help Grace. I just have to stand here and wait. And it’s killing me.
When I finally shift out of her embrace and brush my hands across my face, embarrassed for the tears that dampen my hands, Marion hits me with another bomb. “Cash, if you found out that you had a choice, you or your child, what would you do?”
It’s not even a thought. “Me. I’d give my life for our baby. Grace and our daughter are everything to me.”
Marion nods. “Exactly. And Grace would do the same.”
