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My back slides against the wall, and I hit the floor with a thump.
Not my baby. Hayden’s baby. Well, motherfucker. That’s the final nail in the coffin.
“Excuse me, Mr. James, I am in the middle of an appointment.”
I glare at the man sitting in my normal chair. “I’ll give you five hundred dollars if you give me the last ten minutes of your session.”
The man’s sad demeanor perks up, and he stands as he reaches out his hand. I slip five crisp one hundred dollar bills out of my wallet and into his hand with a smile.
Lydia seems less than impressed, but I’m used to being met with her disappointing stony disposition, so I pay it no mind. As he walks out, I chuckle. “Wait, tell me he wasn’t here for like a gambling addiction or something?”
She shakes her head. “I cannot discuss another patient with you, and I assume since you just paid him double my rate for only ten minutes of my time, you have something important you’ve come to say.”
She’s got a point. Maybe she’s not such an imbecile.
“Grace is pregnant,” I dive right in, ignoring the preamble. “You told me I couldn’t go to her until I forgave her, and now she went and got pregnant with someone else’s baby. So now what do I do?”
She swallows as she stares me down. “That’s a lot to unpack.”
“No,” I say with a shake of my head. “I don’t want to unpack it. I don’t want you to ask me questions to get to the bottom of my feelings. I want you to tell me what the fuck to do so that I can forgive her and make this right, because now I’m out of time.”
She sighs as she pulls her glasses off her face. “Mr. James, I said no such thing.”
I huff. “I remember exactly what you said. I’ve been waiting for you to tell me what to do to forgive Grace so I can talk to her, and you just keep talking in circles—so, give it to me straight, Doc. What do I have to do?”
A rare smile crosses her face. “First of all, I’m not a doctor, but thank you for the nickname. And I’m not talking in circles; I’m letting you talk through your issues. That’s what therapy is…you have complete control when you walk out of here as to what you do with what you learn about yourself while you’re in here.”
My face falls as I let out a growl I can’t hold in. “Just tell me what to do?”
She sighs and looks down at her notes before she finally decides to lay it on me. I wait with bated breath knowing the next few sentences could be the answer to what I’ve been searching for.
“Have you ever considered asking her why she did what she did?”
I grimace. “I did.”
“Did you?”
Here we go talking in questions again.
“Yes, when it first happened I…”
“Cash, please, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Please, Cash. I didn’t do it. Whatever it is, I didn’t do it.”
“Did you do an interview with Vanessa today?” Her face falls, telling me everything I need to know. “Exactly. See, that…”—I point at her face—“that tells me everything I need to know. You betrayed me, Grace. You destroyed my family. Destroyed my company. And you trampled on my heart. I thought we had something special. I thought I finally had it. A woman who loved me. A real chance at a family.” A tear slips from my eye, and I swipe it away in anger. Fuck her; she doesn’t get to see me cry. “But it was all a lie. Get out! Get out of my house. Get out of my life and don’t ever show your face around here again.”
Desperate, she grabs at my shirt, but I can’t even look at her. How could she do this to me?
“Don’t do this, Cash. Whatever you think I did, I didn’t do it. She twisted my words. I swear to God, Cash, I would never betray you.”
“The minute you talked about my family on the news, the minute you agreed to sit down with her, you betrayed me. You put your career first just like you told me you would. And she used your ambition, your need to put yourself above everyone else, your selfishness—she used that, to destroy me. And you let her because that’s who you are. A selfish woman who cares about nothing but her career. About proving that you deserve to play in the big leagues. That you don’t need a man. The fucking worst part about it though, Grace, is that I knew this about you, and I admired it. You didn’t need to prove your worth to me because I saw you and loved you just the way you were. But you proved us all right. You don’t need a man. You don’t need love. You don’t need anything but yourself, and now that’s all you’ll have. Now get the fuck out of my house.”
She falls to her knees, and my heart feels like it’s being ripped out from the inside. I can’t stay. If I look down at her again, I’ll cave. “Fine, if you won’t leave, I will.”
My frown grows as I try to remember when I asked why. When I asked her anything…
But I didn’t. I just yelled. And berated. And told the woman I loved that she was selfish and heartless and to never contact me again.“I didn’t…” I falter as I finally realize what Frank, Hanson, Cat, and now Lydia have been trying to get me to see since that night. I never asked what happened, or why she did the interview. I never talked to her about what she thought it was about…or what she said. I just assumed the worst and broke up with her.
“You don’t need some magical timeline to make it better, Mr. James. There isn’t some special tactic I can teach you to forgive…you have to talk to her to find a way to move forward. You’ve got to face it. Are you willing to do that?”
The pain in my chest is almost unbearable, my heart races, and my head spins, because for months I had the tools to fix this, and now that it seems I have the answer it may all just be too late.
