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Chapter 4
Hours had passed before I awakened. Shadows now loomed across the horizon, visible through the tall windows in my chambers. Day danced quickly into night, and my body only felt marginally better, and my mind… it wasn’t calm at all.
I pulled my knees to my chest and studied the crimson landscape outside the palace walls. Kithonia. Mrak’s home. Mine now, too. Hopefully.
I’d wanted this, hadn’t I? I’dwantedto come here with Mrak.
But I hadn’t expected to nearly die and wake up here, nor not have time to close up Dark Iron or say goodbye to Willa. My heart squeezed as I thought of my best friend, who I’d left so suddenly in her apartment and now… now I wasn’t sure when—or even if—I could get back to Earth and let her know I was okay. No doubt news of Cassius’s new feeder community would spread through supernatural communities like wildfire. When I didn’t show up, Willa would get worried and—
I squeezed my eyes shut and slowly counted to ten. My anxiety hadn’t been quite this bad since just after escaping from Lazarus’s compound. I’d felt soin controlburning down Cassius’s manor, but every piece of that control was now slipping away. Could I even open another portal across worlds without Mrak’s help?
The door to my chambers opened and Mrak walked through. Some timing. It was like he could sense me thinking about him.
Maybe he could. Maybe some of our intimate and special connection still existed after all.
“How are you feeling?” Mrak asked as he shut the door behind him.
My gaze roamed across his massive body. I still hadn’t gotten used to seeing him in flesh and blood, anddamn. Large as Mrak was, his size didn’t intimidate me the way it maybe should have, especially in this form. Mrak was monstrous. He was a shadow demon, after all. One whose muscular body was barely hidden by the night pants and shirt draped across his chest.
I swallowed hard. My thoughts wandered south, wondering what the rest of him might look like as opposed to justfeellike. For so long, all interactions with Mrak had been through his voice or the ethereal touches of tendrils on my skin. Only toward the end, before we’d gotten to Kithonia, had I felt his hands. His mouth. His—
Mrak cleared his throat. I’d been staring for far too long. Heat crept up my cheeks like a virgin. He smiled. “You’re feeling better then, I presume?”
I suddenly was very aware of every part of my body and didn’t know what to do with any bit of it. So instead, I sat on my hands, and that felt like a very good alternative to reaching out for Mrak to keep exploring the idea of hisphysicalbody. “Yes, I’m not really sure what happened.”
Mrak crossed the room to me. Concern wrinkled the corner of his eyes, but his movements were still as tense as earlier today. “Shock, I think.”
“From nearly dying?” I guessed.
The bed dipped as Mrak sat and placed the tray of food beside us. It was never more clear than in this moment that this bed, like everything else in this palace, was not made for someone as small as me. Where its size dwarfed me, Mrak fit perfectly. “That was not my intention. I hope you know that.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “Did you know it was a possibility that holding so much of your magic might kill me?”
Mrak nodded. He sat with heavy arms, his shoulders pulled low. “I also knew you were strong. I knew in my heart you could handle it.”
I glanced down at my hands and remembered the way my legs had felt like jelly earlier. “I don’t know about that.” Strength was rarely an attribute given to me, considering how I’d spent all of my adult life. Mrak hadn’t thought I was strong enough to make that sword Leif had wanted commissioned. And Leif hadn’t thought me strong enough to survive Mrak period.
Mrak’s massive hand cupped my chin and drew my gaze to his. It was strong enough to start burning away the self-doubt building walls around me. Mrak had always been able to do that, even without a physical body. Now that he had one, now that I could look at him and know the world itself might be okay, I soaked uphisstrength and wore it as armor around me.
“I do know that,” Mrak said. “You are far more than human, Aisling.”
“And yet, not shadow demon enough.” The words were past my lips before I could stop them. Over and over again, I saw Karn’s face as he mentioned Mrak needing an heir. This wasn’t even self-doubt at this point, just an observation of fact.
No matter how much I loved Mrak, no matter the amount of Mrak’s power within me, I was still human.
Mrak crossed his arms. “It’s possible to change.” A hint of hesitation pulled in Mrak’s tone as he considered me. “Should you want to.”
“And if I do?” I had to know if he’d let me. Before Cassius’s manor, when he’d first mentioned it being possible, I’d have done it on the spot.
Mrak’s hesitation now spoke volumes. “It’s dangerous, Aisling.”
“Most of my life has been full of me doing dangerous things,” I argued as I put a hand on his wrist. “But having a chance to be with you as a creaturelike you? I’d do anything.”
Mrak’s smile turned neutral. “I’d rather you be safe and alive. We have so much time, Aisling. We can discuss this later.” He gestured to the tray of cheeses, bread, and fruit that were all just a bit unfamiliar. “Replenish your strength. Don’t think about Karn or anyone else right now.”
I picked at a few slices of what looked like an apple off the tray. It smelled more bitter but had an almost sweet taste.Weird. I ate a few slices more. “About Karn…”
Mrak shook his head. “He’s attempting to control the situation and soon-to-be future.”
