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Chapter12
Eden
Idoze for about an hour—I think. Maybe a bit longer. And it’s predictably awkward as I open my eyes and glance over at Maddox, who is gently snoring against his pillow. His big, mountain man hand is resting on my stomach, and while normally I hate the sight of callouses and obviously unmanicured nails, something about his is just fucking sexy.
Maybe it’s the fact that he straight up fucked me into oblivion, then cuddled the hell out of me afterward. Getting John to pass out in my bed after we fucked had been like pulling teeth, and if I so much as touched him after, he’d roll away with some excuse like he was too overheated. A load of bullshit, considering he liked to lie there while I did all the work, but I was the moron who put up with it for way too long.
Still, Maddox was not what I signed up for. I had fully expected not to like the guy Flora had brought along, but I was open to a fling. In fact, a fling was ideal. But Maddox is the kind of guy I can see myself falling for.
Maddox is the kind of guy I could see myself driving two hours every weekend just for a piece of his time, and I am not doing that again. I am not begging for scraps. I am not accepting less than I deserve.
I don’t believe Maddox is the kind of guy who would put me through that either, but it’s obvious our lives are just not meant to co-exist beyond this room—beyond this weekend.
Staring down at him though, I know I have to be careful. My heart is already starting to feel things, and the more I get to know him, the more I want to wrap around him and never let anything painful touch him ever again.
Slipping out of the bed, I peer out the window and try to judge what time it is, but the raging storm makes it impossible. The clouds are thick and dark, the rain pouring in sheets occasionally glowing with streaks of lighting. Thunder rumbles like falling boulders, the vibrations shaking the floor beneath me, and I know I’m stuck here a while longer.
If the roads were bad before, I have a feeling they’re damn near impossible now. And it’s not like I have a car to get home.
It takes me a second to find my phone, but I manage to grab it along with my clothes without waking up Maddox. I sneak into the guest bathroom and clean up by the light of my screen. I really wish I could put on my own clothes again because wearing Maddox’s sweats is giving me that horrible, comfortable feeling of attachment.
It gets worse when the kitten nudges her way through the crack in the door and starts to scale up my pant leg like I’m a tree. I gather her into my arms and give the top of her fuzzy head a kiss before walking back out and heading into the living room. I want nothing more than to crawl back in bed with Maddox, but that way lies madness.
Instead, I stand at the massive floor-to-ceiling front window and watch as the storm ravages the mountain. The wind is howling, though I’m impressed by the insulation of this place because I can barely hear it. Half the trees are bending, and it’s a wonder they don’t crack in half.
I watch the lightning dance in odd shapes, not reaching for the ground but just as terrifying. Nudge settles in closer to me, and just as I start to relax, I feel a presence behind me. I immediately stiffen. But Maddox takes his time, like he’s reading my body, then slides one arm around my waist and pulls my back to his front. Warm lips drop to the side of my neck, and in spite of myself and all the warnings, I melt. I can’t help it.
He’s comfortable and sweet and… hell, he’s perfect.
My head drops back against his collarbone, and I can feel the curve of his smile as he kisses along my jaw. “Hey, gorgeous.”
I squeeze my eyes shut because his compliments sound so genuine. “Hey.”
“Why’d you let me sleep?” His voice is a low rumble against my skin, and I close my eyes, breathing out a long sigh.
Because if I stayed, I’d get too close to making promises you and I both know we can’t keep. I don’t say that, of course. Instead, I shrug and raise the hand not holding Nudge, pushing my fingers into his hair. It feels sweet and domestic—everything I imagined a good relationship is supposed to be.
He kisses me again, like he’s accepting I’m not going to give him an answer and he’s just… fine with it. And heck, maybe he is. We’re not a couple, after all. It’s easier to put up with this kind of thing when there are no strings attached.
“I always loved storms,” he says after his mouth leaves the curve of my neck. He wraps his other arm around me, and his massive body envelops mine. He urges me forward a couple of steps, and I look back out at the rough outdoors. “All the other kids used to hide, but I’d find some big window in the house and watch the rain ravage the grounds.”
The way he talks makes me think he grew up in some mansion, which is ridiculous… Except, is it? Licking my lips, I turn my head just slightly. “You hadgroundsgrowing up?”
He huffs a laugh through his nose and shakes his head, but even in the dim light, I can see that his cheeks have gone a little ruddy under his short beard. “Yeah, darlin’, we had grounds. Two acres of manicured lawns on Jekyll Island in Georgia, like some fuckin’ aristocratic family. My parents downsized after the last kid left home, but now they just live in some upscale country club with a golf course right outside their back door.”
I grimace. It’s hard to imagine him—Maddox—growing up like that. “You don’t seem—”
“Because I’m not,” he cuts in a little roughly, but he softens the blow of his tone by kissing my shoulder. “I hated it—growing up like that. I hated that world. I didn’t want to be like either of my parents. Joining the military was my first act of real rebellion, and sometimes I think getting injured was my second.”
I turn my head again to look at him. “You didn’t have control over that.”
“No,” he breathes out, hitching me a bit closer. One of his hands drifts up and pets Nudge, who begins to purr so loudly her body trembles. “But refusing to hide it—taking my recovery into my own hands—that was rebelling. Letting myself be different…” He shakes his head. “My family—my ex-wife’s parents and mine—they wanted me to just shut up and smile. Right before I realized that divorce was the only real option on the table, my ex told me that she could just tell people I had a drinking problem. It was more palatable in that world than being disabled, and I couldn’t live like that.”
I hadn’t realized he was married before, but I know immediately that it doesn’t bother me. The very idea that someone would want to blame what Maddox had gone through—what he goes through still at times—on drinking instead of the truth? That’s the only thing that pisses me off.
“You deserve better than that,” I reply hotly.
He chuckles, the low sound sending a fresh wave of tingles under my skin, and he kisses the space just below my right ear. “There’s a reason I didn’t fight it… when it was all over. It took me a while to feel deserving of a life that was mine instead of what they planned out for me, but I’m happy now.”
