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Chapter13
Maddox
Eden and I don’t actually fuck in the ballroom, as much as I’m tempted. We make out a little, and I can feel her getting worked up, which I promise to take care of later. There are chores calling my name, and I need to check on the horses again, so she kisses me, then disappears to her room, and I promise to come find her later.
I feel the absence of her a little more profoundly than I want to, but I chalk it up to her being the first person I’ve ever let myself get vulnerable with since my divorce. My therapist warned me that all those firsts would be difficult, and with the way my brain is now wired, I’d struggle to process the emotions more than I used to.
I don’t have to face her leaving just yet, but the prospect of it has my head running in circles, trying to figure out a way to keep her. I have no business doing that, of course. She has a life—I have a life. She lives in the city, and there’s no goddamn way I’d ever go back there. It’s hard enough here some days, but the chaos of crowds and the noise and everything that comes with civilization?
It would break me before having enough time to figure out whether Eden and I are actually compatible.
The dark thoughts of never seeing her again chase me through the stables though, and I take longer than usual brushing the horses down and making sure they’ve got enough water. A couple of them are restless, and some days I do let them out into the field during storms, but the lightning is too bad, and there’s still the threat of more flooding since there’s another storm system right behind this one.
Another day of this before things start to clear up. One more day—one more excuse—to keep Eden, and then it ends.
Standing in the stable doorway, I glance up at the window of Eden’s room and feel a punch of regret for not moving her into a suite. She should have the best of the best here, and those rooms are a far sight nicer than my little apartment.
“Hey, boss.”
I jump at the sound of Miguel’s voice, and I turn with a scowl. He grins, knowing how much I hate being called boss. “What?”
“Just surprised to see you out here,” he says. His gaze lingers on my neck, and when I reach up and press at my skin, I can feel the ache of a bruise. Shit. “Thought you’d be keeping yourself occupied.”
I don’t mean to wince, but my defenses are low, and I can’t help it. Miguel’s eyes go immediately wide and a little worried, and he takes a step closer.
“Something I need to handle?” he demands.
I laugh. I can’t help it. “Jesus, no.”
“Happy bruises?” he chances.
I flush a little harder. Not that I’ve really had much of a love life to speak of since opening the lodge, but this is exactly the reason bringing someone home with me would be the worst. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”
Miguel shrugs, then walks over and leans on the other side of the doorway. The rain’s falling harder now, and the visibility is down to a few feet. I can see a rushing river consuming the trail, and I know getting back to my apartment is going to be a chore.
“For what it’s worth,” Miguel says, pitching his voice loud enough I can hear him over the deluge, “I like her.”
I bite my lip. I like her too—way too goddamn much.
She isn’t all fucked-up, shattered to bits, and haphazardly glued back together the way I am. She deserves better than me.
Eden deserves the world.
“I had a spell earlier,” I tell him. I can’t stop thinking about it—how my body disconnected from my brain. But she didn’t get impatient with me. She didn’t look at me with pity or frustration or disgust. She just… rolled with it. She made it work for her—for us.
Just the thought of it now makes my throat feel kind of hot and tight.
I clear my throat, then look over at Miguel, who’s watching me, waiting for me to go on. “I don’t know how I can let her go.”
His gaze turns sad, but he doesn’t offer some bullshit false hope that it’ll all work itself out in the end. Miguel knows better than anyone how life sometimes just kicks you in the balls—over and over. He and René were the same, except they were a little freer to just give their lives up to make it work.
And I know it’s still a struggle for them sometimes, but I see the happiness in their eyes when they’re together. It tells me it was all worth it… for them. I just don’t know how that can ever be me.
Dragging my hand through my hair, I realize I want to be with her. I turn to Miguel, then let out a sigh. “I’m gonna make a run for it.”
He snorts a laugh and gestures toward the rain. “Go for it, boss. I’m gonna lay low here for a while—keep an eye on things.”
It’s another reminder of why I love it here. These people are my family, and maybe they won’t stick around forever, but that doesn’t matter. It’s for now. I give him a quick clap on the shoulder, then I do a quick assessment of my body to make sure my legs are feeling up for the job, and then I brace myself and take the short distance between the stables and the lodge doors at a sprint.
