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Chapter17
Maddox
Iwake before dawn, not because I want to, but because there’s a tiny, furry face nudging my own. The room is still dark, but there’s the soft glow of cerulean coming from the window, telling me that with the dawn will come the end of the storm clouds—and the end of Eden’s stay.
My body is aching more than it has in a long while, all from the tension of holding in everything I wanted to say to her last night. I couldn’t get my tongue and brain in sync though, so I tried to show her with my body.
I could tell she understood that what I was feeling went so far beyond a hookup. The way she held my gaze and cried my name, then fell apart on top of me will stay with me for the rest of my life. Even now, she’s fast asleep with one arm flung above her head, her mouth slightly open in a gentle snore.
She shouldn’t be this gorgeous. Her hair’s a mess, and her breath is terrible, but all I want to do is keep her close and never let go.
I gently shift Nudge off my chest and push myself upright, but Eden still doesn’t budge. It’s easy enough to slip out of the bed and find my clothes, and when I come out of the bathroom after a quick piss and slipping into my jeans and T-shirt, she’s curled up against my pillow with the blankets pulled up to her nose.
I make quick work of gathering Nudge and the few things we brought with her, and I let the door click shut behind me. I pause a moment to see if Eden’s going to wake because I know if she asks me to stay—I will. If she asks me anything, I’ll give it to her.
And I hold my breath because I kind of want her to.
But the hallway remains as silent as the grave, and it’s obvious the universe is giving me a sign: it’s over. It’s done. This was a gift, and I will always remember it that way, but there’s no point in trying to delay the inevitable.
I don’t pass a soul as I head out into the cool morning, and Nudge sits quietly in my pocket, her little head peering around as we make our way over the muddy ground and into my apartment. When I set her down, she scampers off, and I notice that all the lights from my digital clocks are blinking.
Trying the kitchen, I wince at the flood of fluorescent, and then I check my food, which is mostly lukewarm. Another trip to town is in order, but it was worth it to have saved the generator for the lodge because I don’t have the kind of revenue that can replace everything.
Heading into my bedroom, I turn my shower on, then grab my work clothes from the closet. The last thing I want to do is wash the scent of Eden from my skin, but I also know I can’t wallow. I’ve done that before, and I don’t think I have the emotional capacity for it again.
I feel an ache in my chest as I watch the soap swirl down the drain, but by the time I’m dressed again and throwing my boots on, all I can smell is my scented soap and the last hints of rain on the morning air.
The sun’s hanging low in the sky, just behind the line of trees as I head toward the stables, and I can already hear Miguel singing. The stable doors are wide open, and through the back exit, I can see the horses stretching their legs from the long hours they spent stuck in their stalls.
The stable floor is still dry, but just beyond is a damn near mud bog, and my boots sink in a few inches as I make my way over the soggy grass to where Miguel is leaning against the fence. When he sees me, his singing trails off, and he tips his hat at me.
“Morning.”
There’s a weird edge to his voice that I don’t like. I’m hoping to god he and René aren’t fighting because that shit always throws off the dynamic of the lodge, and I have my own emotional turmoil to deal with right now.
“Sleep okay?” I ask.
He lifts a brow at me, which I can barely see under the brim of his worn hat. “Could ask the same about you. I saw our pretty little guest wandering around. She said she was looking for breakfast, but I’m pretty sure she meant you.”
I feel guilt rising in my throat like bile. “I had to get Nudge back to the apartment, and I needed a shower,” I say. All lies. Nudge would have been fine, and there was a shower in the suite. Miguel’s pointed gaze tells me he’s thinking all those same things. I pass a hand down my face. “She’s leaving today.”
He nods stiffly. “City girl.”
She is… and she isn’t. There’s something about her that feels unfinished or maybe unfound. It’s like she spent years doing what everyone else told her to do, and she’s never stopped to think about what she wants.
I know the feeling a little too well.
“Roads are pretty bad,” Miguel says quietly. “There’s no way in hell any of us are getting down the mountain today.”
Hope blooms in my chest, and I hate myself for it because I know she has a lot going on, and it’s only going to be worse for her the longer she stays. And it’s only going to be harder to let her go the more time I spend with her.
“You two talked about—”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I snap before he can finish his sentence. Once again, I feel guilty because none of this is his fault, but I’ve never felt this way before, and I don’t know how bad it’s going to be once she leaves.
Miguel doesn’t take offense though. He just sighs and leans over to clap me on the shoulder. “Wanna hit the trail? We need to get a good look at the road.”
I nod immediately, then turn to head back into the stable for the saddles. This will give me something to do, and right now, I’ll take anything as long as it gets my mind off Eden.
