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I know that I’ll never be anything other than profoundly grateful for his meddling.
* * *
In the end, Maddox suggests we make our escape before Flor and Sage come home, so I leave a quick note next to Flor’s folded laundry, then jump in my car. I feel some type of thrill to look into my rearview mirror every few minutes and see his truck following me.
It feels like it shouldn’t be daytime. This feels like an illicit affair that should be happening under the cover of night, but it’s bright and sunny when we pull up to my apartment, and I motion for him to take the only guest spot left.
I quickly park, then grab my bag and pat my hair, though I know there’s no hope for me now. Once again, Maddox is seeing me at my worst, but it’s hard to care when his gaze is heavy and simmering with desire as he watches me cross the parking lot and head his way.
He doesn’t let me get to the sidewalk before he’s yanking me close and kissing me, and only because I can’t stand the thought of putting on a show for my shitty neighbors, I pull away too soon. “Come on,” I tell him and thread our fingers together before pulling him toward my place.
He stays in close as we walk up the stairs, and my mind races through the memories of how I last left the place. I’m not the tidiest person, but I also can’t stand clutter, so I don’t think he’ll find anything more embarrassing than a few unwashed dishes.
The place also smells like that fake rose scent from an oil diffuser Flor gifted me, and I’m grateful for it because otherwise the place smells like stale drywall and rusty pipes.
I close the door behind us, and the moment it clicks shut, Maddox has me pinned to the wall again like he can’t help touching me all over, his hands roaming as his lips press lush, soft kisses to mine.
“Sorry,” he says. “I have a lot of time to make up for.”
I want to argue that it’s just as much my fault as his. We were both stubborn assholes who were afraid of getting hurt. There’s nothing to be done about it but move forward. Still, I’m not going to stop him if he wants to give me a few more orgasms before he has to take off.
Of course, the thought of him leaving sends chills down my spine, and I tense without meaning to.
Maddox pulls away and cups my cheek so I can’t do anything but meet his gaze. “What is it?”
I lick my lips and force myself to be honest. “You have to leave.”
He blinks, but then he realizes I’m not ordering him out. I’m just making a statement. He sags a little and shrugs. “I can’t be this far from the lodge all the time.”
“I know,” I tell him. My stomach aches at the thought of being apart again, but I don’t know how to solve that problem. “And I don’t want to move too fast.”
“Yeah,” he echoes faintly.
There’s a hint of doubt in his tone—one that I’ve been feeling every time I tell myself that we need to play by the rules. That if we don’t, we’re doomed. It sounds ridiculous now, considering I’ve played by the rules every damn relationship I’ve ever had, and they’ve all turned out to be total disasters.
To distract myself, I motion for him to head into the living room, then go into the kitchen and pour us water. I don’t have much else. Even in my unemployed state, I haven’t really been good at doing anything except wallowing and half-heartedly filling out applications for jobs I don’t even want.
My savings are dwindling though, and I know I need to figure out what the hell I’m going to do. I don’t have the luxury to be one of those people who gets to sit around and figure out what their passions are—and even if I did, I don’t have the luxury of being the kind of person who can afford it.
“Eden?”
I realize I’m standing in the entrance to the kitchen with the glasses in my hands, staring off into space. I shake my head and walk over, and Maddox quickly takes the water from me, setting them down on the coffee table before yanking me into my lap.
I tumble onto his thick thighs with a laugh, and he tips my face up, kissing me before pinning me with a concerned stare. “This is too much, isn’t it?”
I shake my head. The last thing in the world I’m going to allow is for him to feel like I’m not all in. “I quit my job.”
He sighs. “Yeah. Your friend told me.”
Fucking blabbermouth. I love him, but come on. “I haven’t found anything yet, and I don’t…” I stop because it sounds spoiled and terrible to tell him that I don’t want to go back to office work just because I don’t love it. Plenty of people are in jobs they don’t love.
“You don’t what, darlin’?” he urges.
I melt against him, letting him hold me tight. I don’t remember ever feeling comfort like this. Even with my parents, it was always reluctant, and they only did it because they were scared I’d develop an attachment disorder.
Maddox holds me like there’s nowhere in the world he wants to be, and I feel the same. His fingers reach up at my continued silence, and they carefully untangle my hair from the elastic band. It’s a knotted mess and drops on my shoulders in clumps, but his fingers are soft and careful as he starts to smooth out my locks.
“Eden, talk to me,” he murmurs.
