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Chapter sixteen
My Boy
IwatchasJoeland Aaron chase each other across my Grandparents’ backyard with squirt guns. This is the best place for a Memorial Day bonfire. And huge BBQ. And fireworks. The party started this afternoon. The sun is starting to set, which means in about an hour, we’ll all head down to the clearing where my uncles—one of whom is a former firefighter—will launch a stunning array of fireworks.
We’ve done this every year that I can remember, but the party has grown to include neighbors, friends of the family, and all of my friends and their parents. It’s an absolute blast. I love it when all my worlds converge.
My eyes find Aaron weaving between people, trying to hide from Joel. My heartbeat picks up. Because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that dance we shared. About his words. About all the incredible things I felt. And about whether it means that potential between us is growing into something more.
My heart falls. My stomach twists. I’m still not sure I want it to. What if we go down that road and it destroys everything? I can’t risk losing him. Sometimes I feel like I wouldn’t be whole without him.
That’s not normal.
Shit, it’s not, is it? It’s not normal to feel like you wouldn’t be whole without your best friend. I mean, my life wouldn’t feel right without any of them. But without Aaron?
I’m warring internally when my grandparents sit down on either side of me.
“Beautiful night, isn’t Ma?”
“That it is,” Gram says, resting her hand on top of mine.
“Only question is, why are you sitting here moping?” Grandpa looks at me pointedly.
“I’m not… moping,” I say. “I’m enjoying the night.”
“Is your butt hot? Because your pants are on fire, girly.”
Gram stifles a laugh as I roll my eyes. “Ha ha. I’m not moping. I’m thinking. I’m allowed to think, right?”
“Of course you are, honey. But if that thinking has you twisted up, maybe it’s time to stop thinking and start talking,” Gram says.
Damn it. Why do they know me so well?
I let out a dramatic sigh and Grandpa laughs.
“Hmm. I bet I could hazard a guess as to what—or who—you’re thinking about.” He nods toward Aaron. “Are you finally gonna admit you’re in love with him?”
“Peter Abbott,” Gram warns.
I cross my arms over my chest. “No. Because I’m not.”
“Because you won’t open that heart of yours to him. You can’t love someone if you don’t let them in,” Grandpa says.
“Well, I’m not sure if I want to let him in. He’s already in there as my best friend. Why does he need to be in there as more?”
Gram laughs a little and runs her hand down my arm. “Oh, honey, you don’t get to decide that. And from the way you’re talking right now, I have a feeling he’s already in there as more. Or is certainly trying to be.”
My mouth drops open. “You think he’s in love with me?”
She shakes her head. “I didn’t say that. I think he’s in the same place as you.”
“Scared shitless,” Grandpa deadpans.
He’s not wrong.
“The love is there, but since neither of you will let it in, it’s floating around you constantly, looking for the gap in the armor where it can sneak in.”
Damn it.
