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It’s been about ten days since we broke up, but it feels like another lifetime.
“It’s not Davey on my mind,” I say honestly.
“Ah. It wouldn’t happen to be a certain blond-haired boy who lives two houses down, would it?”
“Great, so I am that obvious.”
He chuckles. “If you think we all don’t see the chemistry between you two, you must think we’re blind.”
That sets off a swell of emotions in me. I’m so frustrated at everyone else saying they see it. I’m tired of everyone else thinking they know our relationship. They don’t. No one does. Hell, I’m not even surewedo.
“I think I’m broken,” I say quietly.
Dad’s brow immediately furrows. “You are not broken. What makes you say that?”
I huff out a sigh. “Because everyone else sees something between us. Everyone else thinks we should be together. And—I’m too afraid to open my heart. To consider it. It could destroy us! I can’t lose him. Opening my heart to something like that sounds like the dumbest thing I couldeverdo.” I sniff back tears.
“Honey,” Dad says gently, “I don’t mean to put any pressure on you.”
“No one does. And I’m not even sure that they are. I feel the pressure whenever I’m around him. Our connection. What we could be. It’s inescapable.” My voice drops as I look out at the rain hitting the driveway. “Why does this scare me so much?”
Dad chuckles. “Because you’re my daughter.” I snap my head to look at him. “You always see the worst-case scenario. You see what could go wrong. You see the risk. And I don’t blame you.”
“Did you feel this way with Mom?”
“No, but she wasn’t my best friend. I understand why you’re scared. You’re not taking a chance and asking out someone you sort of know. You’re considering crossing a line with someone who is a big part of your life.”
“If this is a pep talk, you’re doing a really crappy job.”
He narrows his eyes at my comment, but continues on. “Have you talked to Aaron about any of this?”
“Kinda. We both agreed that we have potential, but we were both with other people. Then the night I broke up with Davey…”
“Yeah?”
“We danced—Aaron and I—and it was incredible. It felt special and safe and like our little secret. He said some things that made me think maybe he’s feeling the same way I am. Except I don’t know how I’m feeling. Or what I’m doing. When did this become complicated? We used to have friendly kisses and be cozy and hug a lot, and we were best friends.”
“It’s part of growing up. It’s not always easy to navigate friendships with the opposite sex as you get older.”
“Some people say guys and girls can’t be just friends. My friendships with Miles and Joel are proof that you can. But I’m starting to think Aaron and I are proof that you can’t.”
Dad smiles. “Maybe because you’re meant for something more than friendship. Or you need to make a decision about what your friendship is.” He reaches over and squeezes my arm. “At some point, you have to ask yourself if you’re losing out on more by not even considering the possibility of what you could be. I’m not in your head or your heart. I can’t decide this for you. Only you know what’s right. But it seems to me, right now, you’re ignoring the truth out of fear. And I don’t ever want to see you do that. No one is saying you have to have some ridiculous love story with him. But maybe you need to allow yourself to consider the possibility of being something more with him.”
I nod slowly. “Yeah. You might be right about that.”
He laughs as he stands up. “Of course. I’m always right. Except for when your mother is.”
He walks away as I’m hit with a memory.
I’m about to walk out from under the slide when I stop and look at what Aaron carved. He didn’t just write AC+RM.
He wrote AC+RM= ?
I look over at him and smile. He did something to me today. Now, whenever I imagine getting married, I’m going to imagine marrying him. I’m not sure we’re supposed to decide that at nine, but Dad says doing things just like we’re supposed to isn’t very fun most of the time. And Dad is always right. Well, except for when Mom is.
Aaron winks at me, then grabs my hand and we go running for the kickball field.
Has it always been there?
