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He smiles at me and sweeps his hand over my cheek. “You’re too sweet to me,” he says, giving me a soft kiss on the lips.
“Nah,” I say. “Cause you’re pretty sweet to me, too. I kinda like you, Davey Edwards.”
“I like you too, Rae McKinley,” he says with a grin. Then his hand slides up the back of my neck and brings my lips to his. This is not a soft or gentle kiss. It’s a powerful, hot, tongue-in-mouth kiss that reminds me of our first kiss. One that makes me forget what’s happening around me.
I was mad about the boys.
But now?
Mm…Davey’s tongue. That’s kinda all I can think about. He pulls me closer to him, and I wrap my arms around his back, deepening our kiss.
After a few more minutes—I think—of heated kissing, we slowly untangle.
“You wanna come in for a bit?”
He smiles brightly. “Sounds perfect.”
“Mmm, Davey,” I moan against his mouth.
Have I mentioned I love kissing? Especially when I’m kissing myboyfriend. This part is new. Getting to know each other, specific things we like in a make-out session.
He lets out a groan. “Fuck, Rae. You’re killing me with those moans.”
I can feel his hard-on pressing against me. I always start to feel guilty when that happens, because I know I’m not ready for sex yet. But I’m thinking I might be ready to go a little further.
I pull away and sit up, staring at him. “Sorry. I feel bad, but I’m not quite there yet.”
“You don’t have to apologize. It’s just what happens when you get me all turned on.”
I let out a laugh. “Well, for what it’s worth… I’m turned on, too.” As I say it, the throbbing between my legs increases. And I know I’m gonna be doing some work on myself after he leaves. I might not be ready for sex yet, but that doesn’t mean I don’t meet my own needs. Sometimes. Pretty regularly, actually.
My mom sat Sarah and me down in middle school and told us it’s normal to have those urges and that it’s normal and important to explore our own bodies and learn what feels good, as long as it’s done in private. She said that sex was a different story and involves a lot of emotions, so we needed to include our brains and our hearts in that decision. And I know I’m still not there. It’s a lot to think about, having that connection with someone—who you want your first time to be with. I used to have some fantasy of it being some boy I was madly in love with. But, to my surprise, I don’t actually fall in love easily. Davey and I have been together for two months, and while I like him and I trust him, I’m not in love with him. I’ve never been in love with anyone before. Notreallove. Sure, there was the whole puppy love thing with Aaron back in the day, but that’s different.
I have fewer preconceived notions, but I want to make sure I feel like I’m ready to take that step, and I feel safe and treated well. Unless something shitty happens with Davey and me, I think I’ll probably lose my virginity to him. But, until then, I’m trying to think of something more we can do that might be fun for both of us.
“What do you do?” Davey asks huskily. “When I leave and you’re turned on, what do you do?”
My heart starts to pound and my breathing increases. I squeeze my legs together.
“Um—”
“Want me to tell you what I do?”
Oh, fuck, that’s hot.
And then a thought—a very naughty thought—occurs to me. We could do those thingstogether.
“Maybe you should show me.” I swallow hard, trying to get the dryness from my throat.
“Rae… I don’t want to—”
I lean over and kiss him hard. “Before you said anything, I was thinking of something fun we could do that’s more than kissing, but notassexual. Now I’m thinking… we could do thattogether.”
He swallows hard. “Like I jack off while you touch yourself? I’ve never done that with someone before.”
“Me either, but it sounds… sexy.”
“Yeah. It does.”
