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“Have you ever had a serious boyfriend besides me?” he asks suddenly.
“Uh, no,” I sputter.
“Why?”
“There was no one I wanted to date seriously. Or I’d date them for a week or two and we’d realize we didn’t actually get along. Where is this coming from?”
“What made you want to date me?” he asks. There’s an urgency to his voice but also a sweetness.
“Lots of things, Davey. You seemed to care about me. You were flirty with me, but you were honest, too. You saw me as bold and unafraid, and people don’t always see those things in me. You’re witty and funny and kind and fun to be with. Why wouldn’t I want to date you?” I say genuinely.
He softens for the first time since he’s been here and wraps his arms around my waist.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
He sighs and shakes his head. “I don’t know. When it’s the two of us, it feels like we’re in this bubble. I enjoy every second with you. I feel safe. And I feel like a better version of me. But seeing you with Cooper yesterday sorta popped that bubble for me.”
Those words hit me hard. Like a stack of fucking bricks.
“It shouldn’t have. We’re still us. My relationship with my friends is what it is, but we can’t keep those two things separate forever. They’re the most important people in my life. We’ve been through a lot together. If you want to be with me, I need you to be secure in my feelings for you,andI need you to trust me. I knew your reputation. Fuck, I heard it over and over again, but I chose to listen to you and trust you. You owe me the same.”
He looks taken aback that I called him out. Then he gives me a little smile.
“You’re always bold. You’re a force to be reckoned with.”
“So why are you reckoning with me?” I ask, a smile pulling at my lips.
He gives me half a smile, then shakes his head again.
“I’ve been thinking a lot. Our relationship is good and can be good, but we don’t always mesh perfectly. And that’s okay, but—” he stops short, struggling with what he wants to say.
“What?”
He lets out a long exhale and runs his hand through his hair. “I don’t want you to hate me. But I don’t think we should stay together when I go to college.”
My eyes go wide. That hits me with such force that I take a step back. “You’re breaking up with me?” Tears form in my eyes because, even though I might not be totally in love with him, I like him. A lot.
“No!” he says, quickly stepping forward and grasping at my forearms. “I guess I’m saying that as ofright nowI don’t think we should stay together when I’m in college. We’re different people and we want different things, but I like you a lot, and I like spending time with you. And I really liked what we did the other night,” he says softly. “I want to be with you and see where we go. Maybe we grow even closer and can’t imagine not staying together. Maybe we don’t. I guess I don’t want that expectation now. Is that okay? Can we just be together for now?”
I furrow my brow and stare in his eyes. I see so much hurt and fear in them it breaks my heart a little. He’s always hurt other people. I don’t think he wants to hurt me, but he doesn’t want toget hurt, either.
“I’m okay with that. I never… I never expected anything specific, just that we’d enjoy our time together. I’m not trying to push you. But you seem freaked out, and it feels like—”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re pushing me away.”
He pulls me tight against his chest. “Does this feel like that?”
I wrap my arms around him and sigh. “No,” I say, melting into him.
I hug him tightly for a few minutes, wanting him to know that I care. That I want him. Then I pull my head back slightly, and we share a long, deep kiss that warms me from the inside out. I love kissing him. I have since the very first time.
He loosens his grip on me as his lips lift off mine, but he keeps me in his arms.
Realizing how long we’ve been out here, I inhale sharply.
“What’s wrong?”
