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He squints at me and stumbles over his words. “Uhhh… why do you ask?” Clearly, he thinks this is some kind of trap. And maybe it is, but for me, not him.
“Davey found out yesterday about us fake dating last year and the friendly kisses we’ve shared. He was pretty upset.” I bounce my leg, my agitation growing. “Aaron and I have talked about what we feel—how we see it—but everyone else sees something different.” I slam my hand against the counter in frustration. “Why is it that what I feel doesn’t freaking count?”
“Hey,” Joel says softly, gently rubbing his hand down my upper arm. “What you feel counts. Look, we all grew up watching you. We were sure something was gonna happen between you two. And, yes, in some ways, I still believe that—”
“You think? You asked him if he thought I would have been the one he lost his virginity to.”
He swallows hard. “You heard that?”
“I was listening. We talked about it after, and there was this…”
“Yeah?”
“Moment.”
His eyebrows shoot up. “A moment? What kind of moment?”
“Where we could’ve crossed a line,” I whisper. “But we didn’t. And… I don’t know. I’m confused. And hurt. Davey basically asked if I was cheating on him. And I’m not. I don’t think I would. I definitely would never lead him on and openly cheat with someone else.”
Joel makes a time-out symbol with his hands. “Okay, back up. Are you asking me if you think there’s something more between you and Aaron because you want to reassure Davey? Or because you want to reassure yourself?”
“Both,” I say softly, tears filling my eyes. Because I like Davey. We have fun. Our relationship could be great. Maybe he’s not the love of my life, but I do enjoy being with him. And Aaron is… my best friend. I know we have this potential for more, but I’m tired of hearing about it. I’m tired of having it pointed out. I’m tired of that pressure. Right now, there’s nothing happening between us, and honestly, I’m not sure I like the idea of anythingeverhappening between us. I’m not sure it’s a good idea to fall for your best friend.
It complicates things.
And if it doesn’t work out, you could lose them forever.
I love Aaron.
But I’m notin lovewith Aaron. And I don’t think I want to be, either.
“I feel like the idea of this is messing everything up. It’s messing me up. And I don’t like it,” I sniff.
Joel stands up and pulls me off the stool and into his arms. “I’m sorry if we put that on you. For the record, I don’t think there’s something more between you and Aaron now. I think therecouldbe. But if that’s not what you guys want, you’ll both find your way to incredible people. But—”
“But?” I ask, pulling back. “I don’t want anybuts.”
He chuckles. “Well, life isn’t that simple, Rae Rae. Thebutis this, if you choose not to go down that road, then you are going to have to taper parts of your friendship. Because if you’re only ever gonna be just friends, the people you date are not going to like hearing about your friendly kisses, or seeing you two choosing each other over them. You’re going to have to figure out how to draw the lines of friendship more solidly so that the two of you don’t keep blurring them. I’m not telling you the right path for your future, but at some point, you have to decide what you want,for real. Because you two have never beenjust friends. But you’ve never been a couple, either. And that makes things complicated.”
I let out a soft sigh and wipe my eyes. “I swear, it’s like you’re reading my mind. Blurred lines are how I sometimes think of Aaron and me. But it’s always worked for us.”
“Until now, when it doesn’t.”
“Kick me when I’m down.”
He chuckles. “Sorry, Rae Rae.” He leans over and kisses the side of my head. “You’ll figure it out, I promise.”
I jam my finger into his ribs. “I hope so. Until we do, can you all please stopshippingus?”
His eyes widen. “Oh, you know about that?”
“The girls told me after the first night we all hung out with Davey and Marisol.”
Joel puts his hands up. “I will officially stop shipping real life couples. Deal?”
I hold out my pinky, and he wraps his around mine. “Deal. Thanks, Joelskies.”
“Of course, Rae Rae, that’s what best friends are for. Especially your OG best friend.” He holds out his fist.
