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Chapter thirteen
Sorry is Just a Word
I’msittinginbedworking on the last of my homework and waiting on a text back from Davey.
It’s been just over two months since he found out how close Aaron and I are. I’d love to say we’ve handled it all in stride, but we haven’t.
While Aaron and I have made it a point to be less affectionate with each other, Davey has made it a point to spend less time with me. At first, I hoped that wasn’t what was happening. But from the first morning after he found out, he’s been pushing me away.
He returns my texts less frequently. He doesn’t always meet me after classes. We don’t see each other as regularly. And, yeah, I can live without all those things. But the problem is, it’s a massive change. We used to text and flirt constantly. He was always excited to meet me after class with a sexy kiss. And he loved to spend at least a half hour with me after school almost every day. I know baseball is starting, and he’s getting busy with that, but still.
Don’t get me wrong, he isn’t mistreating me. He went all out for Valentine’s Day last month. We’ve continued to have sex, though I’ve been feeling more disconnected from him when we do. I don’t know. I’m frustrated because I feel like I’ve worked hard to be extra considerate of him, and he’s pushing me away more each week. Originally, we were going to hang out tonight, but he said he had to go to his grandparents. That happens sometimes. He helps them out a lot. So, we agreed to make plans for tomorrow, since neither of us has anything going on.
But now he isn’t texting me back, and it feels pretty shitty to be blown off by your boyfriend.
I close the book we’re reading for English and toss it onto the chest by the window. Nothing else productive is happening at this point. I’m too cranky.
My door swings open and Sarah walks in, looking worse for the wear. She’s been off for a couple of weeks now, but she kept smiling and telling me she was okay. I figured she’d talk to me when she was ready.
As she climbs onto my bed and slides down in the sheets, I can tell that time is right now.
“Hey, baby,” I say softly. “What’s going on?”
“Trevor’s on his way over and—” she swallows hard and her voice trembles. “I’m going to end things with him.”
My eyes go mega-wide and my mouth drops. Becausedamn. I never thought that would be what was bothering her.
“Why?” I ask, shocked. “Did something happen?”
Tears fill her eyes and she shakes her head. “No. But, I’ve been thinking a lot about what Dad said when we talked back in September. It forced me to think about some underlying feelings I’ve had for a while. You know, I love Trevor. I—” She stops, letting out a soft sob. I reach down and grab her hand. “I love him. He’s one of the most important people in my life. And when I picture my future, I hope he’s always in it. But… I don’t see him in my future as my boyfriend or my husband. I see him as a friend. I’m starting to understand that even though I love him, I’m not in love with him.”
“Oh, Sarah.” I wrap my arm around her back and pull her close.
“I want to. I’ve spent months trying to convince myself I’m crazy. That I’m pushing him away. Anything.Anything. I don’t want it to be like this. But it’s the truth. And I hate it. Because I know—” She sobs again, choking on tears. “I know he loves me. And I don’t want to lose him. But I don’t want to string him along and hurt him—both of us—more in the long run. He means so much to me. I care so much. But it’s—”
“Not quite right.”
She nods. “Yeah. It’s official. I hate myself.”
“Don’t,” I whisper. “Yes, this is gonna suck, but it’s the right thing to do. It won’t be easy for a while, but you’re doing it for the right reasons. Hopefully that means eventually you can recover from it.”
She nods. “I hate this so much.” She sighs and wipes her eyes. “It’s official. I’m not dating anyone again until I fall in love. Real love.”
I hold back a laugh. “Don’t you kind of need to date to figure that out?”
She shakes her head vehemently. “I’m realizing that when it’s wrong, you know. And, I think, when it’s right… I’ll know.”
She looks down at her phone as it vibrates. “He’s here,” she whimpers.
I give her a hug. “You can handle this. And I’ll be waiting right here with ice cream as soon as you come back up, okay?”
She nods as she climbs off the bed.
“Love you, Sarah.”
“Yeah, I love you too,” she sniffs.
Then she climbs out the window. My heart aches for her. And for Trevor. I know this is going to crush him. He’s always been like a lovesick puppy with her.
