Page 22 of If I Were Wind


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Love. The fact that the word caused a flutter in my chest didn’t mean anything. It was just something people wrote on the presents for Christmas. It didn’t mean helovedme.

I pulled the white velvet ribbon wrapped around the box and gingerly unwrapped the present. A golden charm shaped like a tiger glittered in the sunlight. The tiger, my beast. Our beast. When Roy and I merged, the beast we formed was a fawn tiger, its coat a mix of my auburn hair and his raven curls. Enamel covered the pendant, and a small amber stone glinted in the single eye. Delicate hands must have wrought this jewel because the details of the tiger’s nose and mouth were exquisite.

“Do you like it?” he asked, dipping his head to meet my gaze.

Oh Lord, I was choking on my emotions again. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. I couldn’t stop myself. Anger, frustration, admiration, attraction, longing, and so much desire as to burn me down. Only Roy drew out such contrasting emotions from inside me. One moment I was mad at him, the next he reduced me to tears with his kindness. I inhaled his clean scent, committing it to memory.

A discreet padding of footsteps came from behind me. Aunt Mabel was leaving us alone. Pity that there was no need for that. It wasn’t as if Roy and I were a couple, or if there was something romantic between us. There had been a physical…exchange, but that was all. And I’d better remember that.

I was about to release him when he coiled an arm around my waist and pressed me harder against him with a desperation that worried me. His taut muscles were a bundle of tension under his clothes, and his heart thumped a quick tempo in his chest. Was it because of our closeness, or because of what had happened last night? Either way, if he needed comfort, I was ready to give it to him.

I rubbed his back, feeling the sharp ridges of his muscles. “Is everything all right?”

He buried his head in the crook of my neck, the tip of his nose brushing my skin. “Yes.”

Liar. “You don’t look all right. You seem sad.”

“I just want to hold you.”

That would be a good moment to remind him that he didn’t want any relationship, romantic or otherwise, with me, not even an only physical one, but I simply held him. He’d received a blow last night. Whatever the news Connor had given him meant. Hitting him now would be cruel.

“If you tell me what troubles you, I can help,” I whispered as his arms caged me. There was no escape from his steely embrace. Not that I meant to flee from his arms, but he was holding me with a possessiveness that didn’t leave space for freedom.

His lips brushed my jaw when he pulled away. Mercurial as ever, he stiffened, every trace of vulnerability gone from his icy stare. “I can’t tell you.”

Cold gripped my body the moment he released me. I didn’t step away from him. “So you admit that there’s something bothering you.”

He nodded, eyelashes lowering.

“Does it have to do with the Nazis?”

Scratching his stubble, he heaved a sigh. “More or less. Yes.”

“Roy, is the war coming quicker than we thought?” Icy fingers of dread caressed my spine.

He massaged his temple. “No. I mean, you know my opinion on that, but no, Germany isn’t going to declare war on Great Britain today.”

That was a relief of sorts. I took his warm hand, feeling the hardened spots on his knuckles. “Whatever it is, youcantrust me.”

I must have said something wrong because frost crept into his gaze. His hand slid out of mine. “I’m heading back to Raven Park this afternoon,” he said, sliding back into the role of the cold-hearted condottiero.

Shocked by the abrupt change of mood—I should be used to it by now—I stiffened. “Already?”

“’Fraid so.”

“I’m going to ice skate today with Doris and Gladys. Why don’t you come?” Did my question sound as desperate as it truly was? Because I was grasping at straws, trying to make him stay.

He smirked. “I’ll have to pass. I’ll see you at Raven Park.” He lowered his gaze. “When a new partner will be assigned to you.”

The pendant nearly slipped out of my hands. Returning to Raven Park would mean a new routine for me, a new life without Roy. No more lessons. No more working with him. No more merging with him. He’d follow his path, making whatever decision Connor had urged him to make, without me. I wasn’t looking forward to going back to Raven Park if he wouldn’t be there for me.

“Oh.” That was all I could say.

He took my chin and stroked my jaw with his thumb. “Don’t be sad. It’s for the best.”

“I’m not so sure.” Although why would a condottiero want to merge with me? It didn’t make any sense. But I wasn’t rational when it came to Roy.

“You’ll be fine.” He caught the pendant from its golden chain. “Let me see it on you.” With gentle hands, he brushed my hair back and fastened the chain behind my neck. His fingers brushed my skin, but I was too sad to let my lust take me over. “It looks great on you.” His hand trailed down from my neck to my collarbone and stopped in the valley between my breasts. My heartbeat sped up, and the connection between us thickened, like a rope being pulled tight.

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