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18. Spy Job
ROY’S BOOTS CRUNCHED along the gravel path as we trekked back to the manor. His footsteps drummed a war-like rhythm. If his bad mood were to manifest as weather, we’d be in a thunderstorm now.
“Did you manage to sneak inside the mill?” I asked, ignoring his angry face because after all, the jealousy he felt was his problem.
“It was easier than I thought. Too much chaos at the moment. Young soldiers who don’t pay a lot of attention to their job.” He shook his head. “I’m not sure if I should report the lack of security to Allen. It was harder to sneak into the theatre with my brother—” He shut up. Unsurprisingly.
Of course, asking him questions wouldn’t lead me anywhere, especially since he was in such a bad mood. “We should be happy about the lack of security, then. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to distract that guard.” Take that, Condottiero.
He slowed his pace, breathing hard. “Kristin…” His sharp exhalation caused his chest to rise. “It was torture, all right? I didn’t want to look, but I did. I forced myself to keep calm, but my beast didn’t have the same reaction he had with Nathan. That doesn’t mean it was easy, but for you—”
“For me?”
He waved a dismissive hand and sucked in a deep breath. “The bomb was German made with a quite complicated timer.”
“A timer?”
“The bomb was planted hours before the explosion, which complicates things.” With a groan, he ran a hand through his hair. “Bloody Nazis.”
I tilted my head. “But the fact the bomb was German made doesn’t mean the Nazis planted it. Besides, the Nazis don’t know about Raven Park and the beasts, do they?”
Roy trapped his bottom lip between his teeth and chewed it. Pushing aside what watching him torturing his bottom lip did to my insides, I guessed the gesture didn’t bode well.
“They know?” I clamped my hands on my mouth, trapping a gasp of horror. “How did they learn about the beasts? It’s the best-kept secret in the empire.” There were da Vinci’s beasts in France, but they wouldn’t leak their secrets to the Germans. The last thing the Nazis needed was to create beasts of their own. They’d become unstoppable. Nothing would stand between them and the conquest of the whole of Europe. A shiver crawled up my spine as the gravity of the revelation dawned on me.
“I’m not sure.” Too much hesitation rang in his voice. He never hesitated. “It’d be a disaster if they knew about us, but the Germans are threatening to start a war, and a German-made bomb devastates the mill. I don’t believe in coincidences.”
“Maybe there’s a Nazi sympathiser among us.”
“Maybe.” He shrugged. “Allen will find this information interesting.”
We resumed walking among the soldiers patrolling the grounds and the noises of the trucks that kept driving in and out of the mill.
“If there was a timer, anyone could have put the bomb there and then left,” I said.
“Not anyone. The surveillance around the mill is strict. Only a few beasts are allowed to enter, and every visitor is required to sign a register.”
“We can exclude the low-ranking beasts then.”
He scratched his chin. “I’m not sure. Whoever planted the bomb must be cleverer than we think.” He threw a sideways glance at me. “Did soldier boy say anything interesting during your chat?”
“The poor chap had an unclean wound on his neck. I helped him disinfect it. Then he started talking about his family and his father who lost his mind after the war. It was heartbreaking.” My heart clenched a little for Tom.
“Is that why you were hugging him?” His tone sounded strained.
I ground to a brisk halt and jabbed a finger at him. “Now listen. You have problems with your emotional balance. It’s not my fault. I did what you asked me to do, and that young man needed some comfort. I will not feel guilty, or worse, worried about what you may think. You’ve set the rules and the boundaries of our…relationship, although you keep trespassing on them. So don’t become all jealous because I showed some humanity to a poor soldier who needed a word of compassion.” The rant was therapeutic. My chest felt lighter. I should rant more often. Especially at Roy.
He held up his hands. “Fair point well made. May I say, you did a great job? The man didn’t suspect anything.” His gaze roamed over me. In my heated outburst, another button of my shirt had popped open, and he was staring at my naked skin without an ounce of shame. “I can’t blame the lad for getting distracted.” A new flush—but not of anger—warmed my cheeks when he stepped closer. “This attire isn’t appropriate to meet our commander.” With gentle fingers, he undid the knot of my shirt tails. The fabric fell loose over my belly and covered me to midthigh. He buttoned up the shirt, brushing my skin ever so lightly, lingering on the valley between my breasts. My knees weakened. “There. Hardly less tempting than before, but manageable.”
The tips of his hair tickled my skin when he lowered to brush a soft kiss on my neck. The power of the gentle contact reverberated through me, leaving a scorching trail behind. Lord, it was happening again, the ache between my legs, the wetness, the desire. It took so little to ignite my lust, but we’d been down that road a few times now. And it wasn’t enough. Not for me. Before he could kiss me again, I stepped back out of his reach and pulled up the lapels of my shirt. “No.”
“No?” Hurt scrunched up the hard lines of his face.
“No more kisses, hugs, or touches.” My voice didn’t tremble, a stark contrast to the turmoil storming inside me. “I can’t go on like this, with you not wanting to have a proper relationship with me, and me wishing you’ll change your mind while you kiss me and are jealous. If you don’t want to have a love relationship with me, a proper one, then you’ll have nothing from me.” I lifted my chin. “No more kisses or touches. We’ll be coworkers and that’s it. I want all of you or nothing. I’m that selfish. Your choice.”
“I understand.” Heartbreak resonated in his voice. “You’re right. My behaviour is inexcusable. I…” The vulnerable, boyish look on his face as he scrubbed the back of his neck, searching for words, almost undid my resolve. “I agree with all you said. Hell, I’m aware I was the one who set the limits. But bloody hell, it’s not that simple. I find it hard to behave when I’m close to you. Really hard.” A dark glint flickered in his gaze. “It’s the first time I can’t stay away from a woman. You’re intoxicating; a constant thought I have to fight every moment of the day. A hunger that never stops; a presence that I have to push to the back of mind while I worry someone might understand what’s going on inside me and realise that I can’t focus on my job because of you.” He chuckled bitterly, rubbing his chest. “It’s bloody exhausting. I don’t know if I should follow my instinct or rein it in. For the first time in my life, I don’t know what to do.” There was so much pain in his expression that a knot tied in my throat.
Oh Lord. Why did he have to say things like that when I was trying to keep my distance from him? “Roy. I feel the same.”
