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Cassia’s face darkened defiantly. She looked like a goddess,
filled with the new knowledge of her power, defiant and strong
to the last. Adalynn’s will almost faltered.
“That’s bullshit. I think you’re scared. You’re scared of
doing this with me because it would mean something.”
“You’re right. It would mean something to both of us, and
of course that scares me because I know you’ll only be hurt by
it, and I don’t want it to be a negative experience for you.”
“You’re trying to protect me, but I don’t need protection. I
didn’t ask for it. I asked you to kiss me, and—”
“And I did.” Adalynn turned so that Cassia couldn’t see the
longing in her face.
If she thought this was easy for her, she was wrong. She’d
decided, sometime between talking to Cassia and kissing her,
that she couldn’t take anything from her. She wasn’t hers to
posses. It wasn’t right or fair. She would never belong to her
because Adalynn was indeed a coward. She was a coward ten
years ago when she took the easy way out, and now when
she’d found something that could be worth fighting for, even if
the odds seemed impossible, even if she hadn’t been looking
for it in the first place, she could do nothing about it.
Her own first time she’d been drunk. She knew she wasn’t
attracted to men, but she’d forced it, wanting to be like
everyone else. She was young and she had no one to go to for
advice. She was fourteen. He was in college. It was at some
party she went to with a friend when her mom was passed out
in their shit apartment. It was an escape, but it was the wrong
kind of escape.
Fuck the world if it told her that she was wrong for wanting
better for Cassia. For wanting to protect her.
