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Jos finally raised her head and wiped at her eyes viciously.
“I should leave,” she said on a shaky whisper. “I should just stop this. You should not have to be saddled with someone like me. Someone who doesn’t know the first thing about love or care or tenderness. You should be with someone your own age. Someone who grew up like you did. Someone not so fucking damaged.”
Eden felt a spark start blazing. The same spark that had been burning bright since the first time she’d met Jos in person. She’d known how dangerous that could be, how a spark could lead to a fire that was impossible to put out. That spark was burning bright in her and she panicked at the thought of losing it. Of it going out and everything being plunged into darkness.
“No.” She shook her head and cupped Jos’ face. “No.”
“No what?”
“No, I’m not going to let you back out on me now. I do care about your past because it’s hurting you. I do care that you get healthy and maybe that will take a long time for you, but that’s okay. What I do not care about is that you’re older than me. No one is perfect, but I think people can learn how to be perfect for each other. I’m a patient person, and as you might have noticed, I’m quite persistent. I’m not giving up on you and I’m not quitting this. I said I would follow you anywhere, and I wasn’t just talking about work.”
Jos blinked and took in a breath that shuddered and rattled thro
ugh her chest. “I know what you were talking about.”
Eden stood slowly. She held out her hand and waited. “The first thing we’re going to do is have a shower. Together. Let that warm water wash away some of the stress of today. In that shower, I’m going to wash your hair for you and worship every bit of your body with my lips until you feel clean. Then, I’m going to tuck you into my bed and I’m going to sleep beside you until morning. We can talk about what we’re going to do then. Us. Together.”
“And how do you know that would work out? Maybe all of this is just a giant exercise in futility.”
“I don’t believe that for a second.” Eden knew how painful it was to be under another person’s skin. How even people with a relatively normal background, people confident in their ability to be with someone else, could be rattled when they met someone and discovered a connection so potent and unexpected they felt flattened by it. “Will you come with me? Just for a shower. That’s all we have to talk about now.” Eden kept her hand extended. She was more than willing to wait. She’d wait all night if that’s what it took.
Finally, Jos stood. She clasped her hand and Eden brushed her lips over the knuckles. Jos inhaled sharply, but she didn’t pull away.
Eden walked her to the bathroom. She flicked on the light in the small place. It was so different than what she’d had growing up. So plain and so ordinary. A regular-looking bathtub with a showerhead. That was it.
She never broke eye contact as she started to unbutton her blouse. She worked with steady hands, shedding the fabric. She kicked off her flats and her jeans went next. She shimmied out of her panties and then she reached behind her back and unhooked her bra.
Jos stood there, watching everything, transfixed and utterly paralyzed.
“Can I undress you?” Eden asked softly.
She had no way of knowing what Jos was thinking, but one thing was for certain, and that was that she never wanted to do anything to hurt her. Never. She wasn’t going to shoot off her mouth about things she knew nothing about, and she was never going to assume she knew someone’s story.
Jos nodded. She still seemed numb, but Eden knew that wasn’t it. She wasn’t moving because she was still processing everything. She’d been locked inside the cage of her body for a long time, by choice, and no crazy transformation was going to happen overnight.
Eden was so careful. She treated Jos like she was delicate as she stripped her blazer away and got to the white blouse underneath. She worked the buttons open like they were precious. She unzipped her skirt with care and gently urged her out of her pumps. She left her underwear on and turned around to start the shower. When she’d got the water running to the right temperature, she turned around and found Jos naked.
“I’m scared,” Jos admitted, and God, she sounded it. She looked it. She looked like a completely different person. All her confidence was gone, but in its place was something else. Something sweeter, with fewer hard edges.
“I know. Me too. Everyone is, and that’s perfectly normal.”
Eden could see Jos fighting with herself. She didn’t pretend now that she knew what was going on in her head, or the conversations she had with herself in the privacy of her own mind. She was angry with herself for ever pretending to know.
Jos moved first. She stepped past Eden, brushing the floral shower curtain aside, and got under the hot spray. Eden climbed in behind her. She watched with hunger that she couldn’t conceal as the water beaded over Jos’ body. Her nipples were peaked, and her skin grew flushed under the spray. Eden was counseling herself to have some control and look away from the spectacular sight of creamy skin and curves when Jos turned and grasped her shoulder, pulling Eden in until they were pressed against each other.
Their mouths found each other’s automatically, crushing together in a kiss that left Eden’s knees shaking and weak. Jos kissed her hungrily, like there wouldn’t be a tomorrow, like this night was it for them, but Eden knew she wasn’t trying to say goodbye. She wouldn’t let her. She would fight for their tomorrow and the day after that and all the ones after that.
“Let me wash your hair,” Eden panted. She nipped Jos’ bottom lip, suckling it into her mouth.
“That’s not necessary.” Jos’ eyes blazed.
“I know. But I want to. It will feel nice. That’s why people go to salons, isn’t it? Just for the hair washing?”
Jos bit down hard into her bottom lip. At her sides, her hands shook. The water sprayed over her shoulders, and even though the building was pretty shitty, the water heaters were good. It would be warm for a good long while yet.
“If I open up, you might not like what you find.”
Eden reached for the bottle of shampoo. A gift from her mom. All the things in her shower were gifts from her mom. The shampoo was some expensive thing with oils in it that smelled like a tropical paradise.
