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Reassuring. “Do you know what it is?”
“Yep. Elevated Warriors might seem unstoppable, but we have all messed up at some point, Braxton. We have all gottenthepunishment. We learn, we keep going.” Her hand landed on my shoulder, and she squeezed. “Good luck.”
“Yeah, thanks…” Sighing, I saw her enter the hall and head to her quarters to rest. Afterwards, the guard would meet for practice like they did daily, but I wouldn’t be among them, which sucked.
After taking a bath and changing into clean clothes, I sat on my bed. I couldn’t sleep, though I had tried. The tray of food Willow sent for me sat cold near the window, my appetite was gone. I hadn’t realized how much my routine with the Elevated Warriors, and being part of the guard, dominated my life until now. Being punished meant not being around them. I didn’t know what to do with myself.
Standing, I pulled Dad’s journal from under the bed and held it in my hands, stroking the creases that spoke of how important it had been to him. After opening it, I searched a few of the pages, but couldn’t concentrate enough to read.
The images of everything that had happened kept trying to grip my mind, but I couldn’t let them. I wasn’t sure what would happen if I did. Then again, I wasn’t sure I had an option. I knew better than anyone that we all had to deal with our demons sooner or later.
Rolling closed the leather book, I gripped it between my hands as the onslaught of memories inundated my mind. I saw myself slicing the sentry’s body with my sword. The way it had felt, the sound his flesh made, how he collapsed to the ground, the blood pooling around him… And the sight of life leaving his eyes because of me were all too much.
My fists began to shake from the memories, and my throat burned with the pain crashing into me. Tears of rage stung my eyes when all the casualties that followed replayed in my mind’s eye. Every thrust of my sword had taken something away from them that I could never give back.
I never thought one day I would kill someone, and now, here I was.
Bitterly wiping my face with my forearm, I stood, walking to the window. Slowly, I took in every inch of the hidden city as I tried to make peace with what I had done, because the truth was, now that I had crossed that threshold, there was no going back. This wouldn’t be the last time I had to kill the enemy, and ending their life meant making sure the ones I loved got to live, which now included everyone inside this kingdom.
I loved this world, our people, and there was nothing I wouldn’t do for them, even if that meant I had to let go of who I was, and become someone else entirely.
With a heavy breath, I slipped the rolled-up journal into my pocket, and stepped out of the room.
