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Chapter Eight
Helen slept soundly for the first time since arriving in London—past breakfast—and couldn’t, in fact, remember the last time she had slumbered so deeply or for so long. Jenny, the maid who helped Helen dress, informed her they had saved breakfast for her and Elijah.
“Did my brother not eat this morning?”
“No, missus.”
She swallowed a sigh. They hadn’t spoken since leaving Nicholas's office last night, and she’d retired for the evening, hoping that time and sleep would refresh Elijah’s view on the situation. Somehow, she knew his absence at breakfast wasn’t because of restorative rest.
Helen was swallowing her last bite of jam-covered bread at the gleaming dining table when he ambled into the room and cast himself into the chair across from her. The maid approached him with a plate, but he shook his head and waved her away.
Through bloodshot eyes, he looked at her sullenly. His garments, the same he wore yesterday, were wrinkled and creased. “The deal is off, Helen. I can’t live with this.”
“Whatcan’t you live with?”
“Sailing away and leaving you behind. Leaving you behind ascollateral!”His voice had broken at first, but ire strengthened it by the time he uttered the last.
Hearing his anger fueled her own. “Is it for my sake that you take such offense? Or your own pride?”
“Damn it, Helen, I’m trying to protect you!”
“You’re too late!”
He sighed raggedly and closed his eyes, tears running into his morning stubble. “It’s too late to change the past. But I’m sure as hell not going to repeat the same mistakes.”
“Backing out of the agreement is not only dishonorable, Elijah. It’s foolhardy.”
“How am I supposed to leave you in the clutches of Nicholas Irons and his family? I’m ashamed of abandoning you—again. Even for our plan, I won’t do it! I won’t allow you to serve as a guarantee, like chattel!”
Helen squeezed her fists under the table. “Allow?Well, Iwill! I’ll be chattel for a time, if that’s what it takes—in the name of never again!”
“We’ll find another way.”
“Elijah, I had no choice in the past. Youleft! You sailed away, time and again. Time and time again, I made do. And I’ll do it again. You’re not saving me by backing out of this deal. Ineedyou to sail away this time!”
“Do you think Iwantedto leave you? It nearly killed me the first time I stood on deck and watched you disappear. But you and I both know thatstayingwould have truly killed me.”
Her throat closed with the pain of old wounds reopened, hers and his. “I know.”
“It wasn’t fair to you, leaving you to handle Father and the business. Leaving you vulnerable to a man like Archer. Betraying you with Robbie.”
Hearing the guilt in his voice did nothing to ease her hurt or anger; she relived her past as he listed the worst events of her life, and hearing Archer’s name sickened her.
Elijah stood, and she steeled herself against another desertion. He was raw, too; in such moments, leaving is what he did best.
After a few steps, he staggered back to the table and collapsed in the chair. “HowdoI make up for it, Helen? How?”
“I’m not a sailor, Elijah. I can’t express my relief at staying in London.” She gave a shaky sigh. “I did my best to appear confident, but in truth, I had begun to despair of finding an investor. This is precisely what we need.”
He searched her eyes for a long time before asking, “You believe we can trust Irons?”
“I don’t know. But I trust myself.”
His gaze dropped to the table. “You’ve taken care of yourself. You’ve had to. But alone in a foreign country?”
“I’d rather be alone here than back in Boston with the Grays.”
He cringed. “If I’d had any idea how things would turn out, I—”
