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It’d only been a month since he’d come home after Gibby’s graduation and found a package waiting for him on the kitchen table. Inside had been a note from Miss Conduct, the drag-queen Extraordinary with acerbic commentary known to fry a man as thoroughly as her electric powers. She wore bangles and had legs for days. Nick could never pull off bangles, and his own legs were pasty and thin, with knobby knees and that one weird hairon the left side of his right knee that grew obscenely long, which wasbullshit,seeing as how he couldn’t get any hair to grow on his chest.
The note, while sweet and wonderful, hadn’t been the best thing. No, that had been the costume she’d created for him with help from Nick’s friends. A costume of blue and white with a helmet to match.
And here he stood in said costume in all his glory, thoughglorymight have been a bit of a misnomer. You see, when one decides to become a real Extraordinary, one must wear a skintight costume to be taken seriously. Theproblemwith that, however, was that Nick had learned his body was strangely shaped, and things thatshouldhave bulged—arm muscles, chest muscles, and yes, the groin—did not bulge at all.
(The second time Nick had tried the costume on, he’d stuffed a folded sock down the front of the tights and nodded in the mirror. “Oh, this?” he’d said to his reflection, nodding down at his crotch. “Don’t worry about that. Just my penis. Yeah, it’s big.”
His father had come in without knocking. The silence that had followed had been absolute before Dad backed out of the room slowly. They had never talked about it, and Nick hadn’t tried to put a sock over his junk again.)
So: there was a reason Nick didn’t like wearing what amounted to a full bodysuit of spandex. It left nothing to the imagination.
“Bend over,” Nick demanded.
Seth squinted at him. “What?”
“I want to show you something. This isn’t about sex stuff. Trust me.”
“Yeah, see,” Seth said, “the last time you told me to bend over and said it wasn’t about sex stuff, you said, and I quote, ‘It looks like someone ordered cake from a sexy bakery.’”
Nick snorted. “I’m funny.Anderotic.”
Seth sighed. “It would’ve been funnier and maybe more erotic if you hadn’t said it while my aunt and uncle were standing three feet away.”
Nick scowled, grateful the encroaching dark hid the furiousheat blooming on his cheeks. “How was I supposed to know they were going to be in the living room of their own house? Martha really didn’t need to get out sandwich baggies and begin to make dental dams right then and there. That was uncalled for. I blame her. And Dad.” Mostly his dad, though, because he’d been the one to show the Grays the wonders of DIY sexual safety.
Seth shook his head. “Just be grateful she hasn’t started crocheting the harness she wants to make for some horrific reason. Ever since she went to that sex shop forlearning purposes,she hasn’t been the same.”
Nick groaned. “Oh my god, I hateeverything.Now stop distracting me and bend over.”
Seth hunched his shoulders, his chest and stomach making a half circle. “Like this?”
Nick nodded. “Now rub your hand along your chest and stomach.”
Seth’s eyes narrowed. “This sounds like a sex thing.”
It really did, but he wasn’t to be deterred. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Gray. You’d know if this was a sex thing.”
“O… kay.” Seth ran his hand along his sternum, down to his stomach, stopping just above his groin before going back up to his chest. “Now what?”
Nick—always and forever Nick—short-circuited a little at the sight of his Extraordinary boyfriend touching himself, the tip of Seth’s black-gloved fingers pausing against his broad chest. All the porn Nick had consumed in his life paled in comparison to the sight before him: Seth with his dark curly hair and a jaw that could cut glass. Nick knew that objectification could be seriously problematic but come on!Look at him.
“Yeah,” Nick muttered. “Just like that.”
“Nick,” Seth said pointedly.
“I’m not thinking sexy thoughts!” Nick said. “I’m just… admiring the scene before me!” He frowned as he bent over the same way Seth had, rubbing a hand over his chest and stomach. “See? What the hell!”
“Uh, what am I supposed to be looking at?”
“This!” Nick said, glaring as he hunched over. “Whenyoubend over in your Extraordinary costume, your stomach is flat because you’re ripped. When I do it, you can’t even see the abdominal muscles that are probably there even though they weren’t this morning. I thought being an Extraordinary was supposed to make me have noticeable washboard abs!”
“Hoo boy,” Seth said. “That’s not how any of this works.”
“Saysyou,” Nick retorted, glaring down at the gentle swell of his stomach as if it had betrayed him. “You became an Extraordinary and you turned into a sex god.Ibecame an Extraordinary and it gave me body issues. Yes, I had nachos for dinner last night, andyes,there wasn’t enough cheese so I added more, but still! I ran last week, Seth. For a quarter of a mile. And I only had to stop twice to catch my breath.”
“I know,” Seth said. “I was there, remember? You complained the entire time.”
Nick sniffed. “Yes, well, running is pointless and you should feel bad for making me do it.” He poked his stomach a final time before standing upright. “I may need to consider a redesign of my costume. What do you think about layers? I took a test inCosmo,and the result said I have a body made for layers.” He frowned. “It also said that I was a free-spirited woman who won’t be constrained by society, but still. Layers.”
