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From the corner of my eye I catch her biting her lip. “You’re sure she’s okay? Rick said so?”
“So did the doctor the last time I called to talk to him.”
“You did that?”
“Of course I did.” I can’t hide my surprise when I turn to her, halfway through unbuttoning my shirt. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“You already have so much going on. I would never imagine you taking the time to check in on her on top of everything else.”
“I know I didn’t give you the best image of me.” It’s not easy to admit this, nowhere close to easy. “But I’m not a complete monster. Don’t let that get out, though. I don’t need anybody thinking I’m a soft touch.”
Her face practically glows when she smiles. “Your secret is safe with me.”
“Thank you.” I head to the adjoining bathroom for a quick wash-up before returning in my boxer briefs and nothing else. She can’t pretend the sight of me like this doesn’t do anything to her. Not when she instantly bites her lip and turns her gaze to the floor.
But I have to keep in mind what she’s been through, as well. It’s times like this I wish I was the cold, unfeeling bastard I first showed her. That version of me wouldn’t give a shit about her trauma or any of it. He would pin her to the bed and fuck her senseless just because he could, and as a reminder of his strength and superiority. A way to distract her from the real Luca who isn’t quite sure what the hell to do next.
“What about you?” I ask as I pull back the blankets on the other side of the bed. She’s so stiff, sitting at attention.
“What about me?” she asks with a soft laugh. “I’m fine. As fine as I’m going to be.”
“What can we do to make that better?”
She snorts softly, looking my way out of the corner of her eye. “Is that a real question?”
“Of course it is.”
For some reason, she frowns. “I’m not the one in the ICU. I’m not the one who needs to be cared for right now.”
“Bullshit.” I walk around the bed and come to a stop in front of her. Crouching, I wait until her gaze locks with mine. She can’t avoid me forever. “You matter, too. You have to stop dismissing yourself. And whether or not you believe it, I do genuinely care if you’re alright. I know it makes you uncomfortable, talking about yourself. But I’m here, for what it’s worth.”
She hangs her head before a tear drips onto the hands she’s folded in her lap. That single tear might as well be a flood pulling me under, holding me there, stealing the air from my lungs. “It’s alright.” I sit next to her on the bed and gather her up in my arms. She melts against me, and now her tears roll down my chest. Not exactly how my twitching cock wants this to go, but there’s a deeper part of me that knows it’s right.
After a long time, she shakes her head, sniffling now that the worst of it has passed. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m just so damn tired.”
I reach for the tissues on the nightstand and hand her one, which she quickly accepts before turning away to blow her nose. “You don’t have to know why. You don’t have to apologize.” She’s still shaking her head as she gets up, going to the bathroom where the water runs in the sink for a few moments. I wish I knew what to do with her. I wish I knew how to handle the conflicting impulses she stirs up. I want to protect her. I want to hold her and comfort her.
I want to throw her on the bed and indulge in her until she can’t think of anything else but the pleasure I give her no choice but to accept. The way her body moves under that silky nightgown that barely reaches mid-thigh and offers a glimpse of her hard nipples through the thin fabric has me fighting to be the man my parents raised me to be.
Which is why I force myself not to stare at her tits when she re-enters the room wearing a sheepish little smile. “I guess I’m not used to people being nice to me,” she confesses, which only makes me feel like a bigger piece of shit thanks to the filthy thoughts still running through my head.
“And I’m sorry for that. But you deserve it.” I stand and finish pulling back the covers. “I need some rest. So do you.”
“You want me to sleep with you?”
“What? Did I fart the bed up last time?”
She rolls her eyes. “You know what I’m saying. You told me yourself you don’t do that.”
“And what’s that saying about teaching an old dog new tricks? I guess I’m not that old yet.” I extend a hand, knowing this could end up bringing me nothing but trouble but unable to imagine going to bed without her now. Not tonight. I couldn’t send her off to sleep alone tonight.
Maybe I’m tired of being alone, myself. That could have something to do with it as well.
She moves slowly, but she moves. That’s the important part. She places her hand in mine and climbs into bed, then slides over to make room for me while I flip off the lights. I’m going to need to call on every ounce of my strength tonight, because my body is hungry for her.
That’s not what she needs. I reflect on some of the things she told me about herself as I get into bed, where the sheets already smell like her. She’s been through so much, too much for someone so young. I can read between the lines. I know she was used far before she ever came here.
I can’t be just one more in a long line of users. I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror.
“Luca?” she whispers faintly, turned away from me.
“Yeah?”
She lifts her arm to make room for mine. “Hold me?”
Fuck me. “Sure. If you want.” I slide an arm around her waist and pull her close and try like hell not to notice the way she fits so well against me.
Yes, I’m going to need every ounce of strength tonight.
But she’s worth it. There’s no question in my mind.
