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Yesterday was a disaster. I had high hopes in the beginning that it was going to be a good day, but that thought crashed and burned pretty quickly.
Nix disappeared after he took Tara down the rear hallway. She came back out to the reception looking less than pleased, but he was nowhere to be seen. After distracting the guests and making excuses about his whereabouts until I was blue in the face, the party finally ended.
Once everyone went home, I searched the house, unable to find him anywhere.
Eventually I found him—drowning himself in whiskey on my couch. He just kept telling me he made a mistake, but refused to expand on what he meant by that. No idea if he meant the wedding was a mistake or if something had happened between them while they were gone.
The fucker passed out on my couch and woke up, just going about his day like nothing happened. Like he didn’t ditch his own wedding reception to get drunk at my place, alone.
Seeing him like that made me feel even more guilty about my feelings toward Tara. I have no idea what the fucking hell I’m supposed to do, since now she’ll be around constantly. She’s moving into Nix’s house.
I shouldn’t even be in here; I should be in my house. But I have a problem staying away from where I don’t belong.
I also fucking hate being alone.
The loneliness is where I get caught in my thoughts. Where I can’t escape my mind. Nix pretends I’m a nuisance for being over here more than in my own place, but I know he understands why. I can’t stand it—the loneliness makes my skin crawl. Even if he isn’t home, I’d rather be over here with Mariana and Rush than be alone.
Whistling to myself, I grab a beer from the fridge. Beer isn’t really Nix’s thing, but he keeps it in here for me. Unlike Nix, I grew up poor, so I’ve grown accustomed to the taste of cheap beer. In fact, I prefer it.
My dad did the best he could. He might not have been a good dad in the typical sense, considering he let a ten-year-old drink beer, but he tried. He loved me and never laid a hand on me, so I call that a win. That’s something a lot of West Side kids can’t say, as sad as it is.
I grab the bottle opener, popping the top off before sucking down the bitter liquid. Throwing my head back and closing my eyes, I try to calm my nerves. I take a deep breath, before setting the beer bottle on the counter and picking at the label.
Fuck, I can’t do this.
I haven’t seen her yet today, but I’m already freaking out. I know she’s here. I can feel her presence. Hell, my dick has been semi-hard since I walked in Nix’s back door. I’m drawn to her in ways I can’t describe, in ways that fuck with my mind, making me battle between doing what’s right and wrong.
I still haven’t told Nix about what happened in his office the night of his engagement party. Judging by the fact he hasn’t mentioned it, Tara hasn’t said a word either. It’s been eating at me. I know I’ll have to tell him sometime, but damn, I’m chicken shit.
His marriage to Tara isn’t real and there are no feelings involved, but I’m still worried about losing Nix. Him and Rose are the only family I have left. If I lose them, I’ll truly be alone. I’ll have no one else. My anxiety bubbles under my skin, second-guessing every move I make.
Will this set Nix off? Will he kick me out?
Clenching my fist, I slam it against the countertop, ignoring the pain radiating through my knuckles.
Why am I like this? Why can’t I just be easygoing, without a care in the world?
I know in reality, my brain is bullshitting me, but I can’t fucking stop it. It takes over, overpowering any rational thought. I’m constantly thinking of the worst case scenario, and right now, that’s Nix pummeling me into the ground before kicking my sorry ass to the curb.
My brain is confused and fucked up. I keep doing irrational things, like dancing so close with Tara last night, needing to feel her against my body. Craving to be close to her.
As if she was summoned, Tara enters the kitchen from the direction of the hall, pulling me from my thoughts. My eyes follow her, but I don’t move—I can’t. Her long black hair is pulled up in a high ponytail, and her white tank top dips low, showing off her perfect cleavage. Her beautiful toned legs are on display in those tiny jean shorts she’s wearing.
Fuck me. I’m gonna have to move out.
My dick goes from half-mast to full-on raging boner. God, I hope she doesn’t come around the counter—it’s the only thing keeping her from seeing how turned on I am just looking at her.
She stops dead in her tracks when she notices me standing here, staring at her like she’s my next meal. “Oh, hey,” she says, her eyes darting around the kitchen, looking anywhere but at me. “I just came to get a drink of water.”
I nod, leaning against the counter, hoping that will help hide my hard-on. She stands there a minute, the atmosphere becoming awkward with neither one of us talking. Moving into the kitchen area, she looks around, taking in all the cabinets. “Where can I get a glass?”
I’m not a total dick. If I wasn’t trying to hide my appreciation for her, I’d get one for her. But I’d rather her not see what’s happening over here since she made it clear she doesn’t wanna fuck around with me anymore.
“Cabinet to the right of the sink,” I grunt. I’m facing away, but I can hear her grab a glass and fill it with water from the sink. “There’s filtered water in the fridge,” I inform her.
“The sink works just fine.”
Tara seems more like the type of girl I’d marry, instead of a wealthy lawyer like Nix who’s never hurt for anything—except maybe attention from his dad.
