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I don’t want to talk to her now, because I know I’ll make this worse if I do. Not when my heart is aching. I can’t explain it, but my entire being is feeling uneasy. Leaving Greyson with Thiago didn’t sit right with me. Thiago and I have grown to be really good friends, but his loyalty lies with Lya. He’ll do anything for the love of his life, even if it means getting rid of mine.
Shit, did I just say that?Is Greyson the love of my life? Has he always held that place in my heart and I just refused to accept it? When I was twelve years old, I don’t think I truly understood what love was. It was clear I cared for Greyson, I could tell he was special even from a young age, but did I truly know what it meant to love someone then?
Even though we were only together then—if you can even call it that, for two months—he left a permanent impact on me. I’ve never stopped thinking about that broken boy. I might’ve been filled with anger and resentment towards him most of the time, but there wasn’t a day I ever allowed myself to forget him.
Stepping into Lya’s office, I plop down in one of the chairs across from her desk. I put my feet up on the other, leaning my head back, trying to get as comfortable as possible. Clearly she’s pissed and I’m upset, so I don’t think we'll be having a little party any time soon.
The next two hours go by at a snail's pace. My mind is consumed by thoughts of where Greyson is, what Thiago might have done to him, what Lya told Thiago to do, and how I’m going to get us out of this.
When Lya’s finally ready to go, my body sags in relief. I’ve been sitting here, tense and uncomfortable this entire time. I need to get home, change, and get my game face on.
We haven’t spoken once since we got to her office and now, on the drive home, she won’t even look at me. I’m upset with her, but the fact that she won’t talk to me—hell, even scream at me—breaks my heart. This is my fault. I did this to us; I had so many chances to come clean. So many chances to soften the blow, but I was too scared it would turn out like this anyway.
We pull into the driveway and I reach for the handle to get out. Before I can make a break for it inside, Lya places her hand on my arm. Turning to face her, it’s like looking at myself in the mirror.
Guilt, anger, fear, and sadness are painted across her face. All these things I’m feeling right now. Being mad at my sister kills me inside. She and I are one. I never once lost that connection to her the entire time I was gone. Where I went, so did she. She was always there with me, being the light that kept me going. Being the one who made sure I kept going, as I prayed that someday we would be reunited again.
“Lainey, I hate this. I feel you falling apart and I know you feel my anger. I’m so fucking mad at you right now and I’m going to be for a while. You betrayed me. You broke my trust. You hurt me. I love you and that’ll never change, but right now, you’ve sliced me so deep, I can barely look at you. So please, just answer this one question for me.”
I can feel anxiety bubbling beneath my skin and crawling its way up my throat. My mouth goes dry, wondering what she could be asking. All I can do is nod.
“Why? Just tell me why.” Her voice is softer this time, but still angry.
“Lya… You know better than anyone else what it’s like to feel like your world is ending, to feel lost and confused. I felt it when I was taken away from you, and I know you felt the same. But you don’t know what it was like, going through what I went through. You were dealing with your own problems without me, but you didn’t battle the same demons I had.” A single tear slides down my face, but I quickly wipe it away with the back of my hand.
“That place, that prison, was agony. It was like I was in the seventh circle of Hell, just waiting for the shadows to visit me at night. I had to fight off the monsters lurking in the darkest corners of my mind just to keep living.” I shudder at the thought of what I’ve seen and been through.
“When you first told me about Greyson, I was shell-shocked. It stunned me to know what he did to you, because those weren’t the actions of the boy I once knew. It petrified me to know you went through that, that he was the one behind it all, and that it was because of me. Obviously people can change, but deep down, Greyson always has good intentions even when he’s done terrible things.”
Lya just sits there staring at me with a cool calm look, but I see the wheels turning inside of her head.
“I never expected to see Greyson again, and even if I did, I imagined that I would go running for the hills and call you immediately. But the moment our eyes locked in the library, it was like time stood still. Everything around me no longer existed and he was my entire focus.
“At first, I wouldn’t give him the time of day. I told him to leave and never come back. I tried to push him away, but the more I pushed—the more I refused to allow myself to feel—the more I gravitated toward him.”
My voice shakes while tears stream down my face, but Lya’s expression doesn’t waver. She gives nothing away as she blankly stares in my direction, and I continue. “He refused to leave me alone. He kept coming back day after day, just trying to get me to give him a chance.”
“Not surprising at all.” She scoffs, but doesn’t say anything else.
“I finally caved and talked to him. Day after day we kept talking, then eventually we went to lunch, and things escalated from there. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did and I don’t regret it.” I take a gulp and gear myself up for what I’m about to say. It’s either going to be something that Lya understands, or something she is going to go nuts and rage out over.
“Greyson has his faults. He’s done some really, really bad things, but the way I feel about him is life-shattering. It’s unnerving and terrifying, but it’s also fulfilling, extraordinary, and powerful. You know that every single person in our lives has their share of issues. You, me, Zep, Rian, Thiago—hell, even our own mother. We’ve all done bad things, we’ve all made mistakes, but it’s how we change ourselves and go forward with our lives that matters at this point. Greyson fucked up and I’m not taking anything away from the seriousness of what he did to you, or making excuses for him. All I’m asking is that you give me... givehima chance to show you he’s not the man you think you know.”
Greyson has done terrible things, ones that I thought only monsters were capable of, but he’s trying to be better. It doesn’t justify it, but he should have the chance to try to make up for it.
“I think his mistakes are a little more than all of the ones we’ve made combined. You’re making his transgressions sound like he accidentally stole a candy bar instead of, I don’t know, running a sex trafficking business in order to find you, kidnapping me, and now manipulating you. How can you not see that?” Lya says quietly, with so much hurt in her voice.
I want to fight back, but she’s justified in the way she feels. It’s my job to break through just enough for her to see it all in a new light.
With that, she gets out of the car and goes inside the house, leaving me sitting there dumbfounded. I can’t argue with what she says because hehasdone all of those things. I just have to prove to her that he’s still the sweet boy who took care of me when I was kidnapped. The boy who showed me the only kindness I had in that place. The boy who loved me before I knew what love even was.
Coming out of my haze, allI wonder is what my angel is doing. My chin’s against my chest, and I don’t quite have the strength to lift it right now. I must be in my chair, half-drunk from another binge.
Letting out a soft groan, I slowly open my eyes. When they’re fully open, I close them tight then open them again.Why can’t I see anything?Everything is black.
I go to rub my eyes, but I can’t. I can’t move.
My arms and legs won’t fucking move!
