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Sometimes though, I need space and time for myself without her or one of the guys breathing down my neck. It’s gotten better the longer I’ve been here, but sometimes it’s a little overwhelming.
Thinking that they’re being too overbearing makes me feel like such an ungrateful bitch, considering they saved me from the misery I was bound to. I have everything I could ever need or want here, but I still feel like I’m missing something. I feel like a chain is keeping me in place, preventing me from truly spreading my wings and being free.
Today was the first time since I’ve been back that I’ve been able to somewhat forget about all of the shit I went through over the last nine years. I probably should have listened to Tara and used more sunscreen—because I’m definitely burnt and that shit stings—but overall, it was actually a fun day. It felt nice to just relax without all of the worrying.
“Is it done yet?” I lick my lips, feeling my stomach start to rumble.
“Almost ready. Want to see if the guys need any help setting up the table?” Lya asks, as she finishes stirring the seasoning into the meat.
“Yeah sure, need me to do anything else?” I start heading over to the table to see if Thiago and Zep need my assistance.
“Nope, that should be it. Thiago helped me make the beans and guac, so this is it.”
As I help set the table, all I can think about is how I need to start doing something productive before I go mad. Lya has tried giving me odd jobs of things to do around the house or a list of hobbies that would be fun, but I burned through the first list she gave me. At first, it kept me occupied enough to keep my brain from thinking about the past, but now nothing I do seems to keep the nightmares away.
I’ve been trying to prepare myself for how I’m going to ask Lya, but I haven’t figured out what I’m going to say yet. No matter how many times you plan a conversation in your head, it never actually goes that way, so I’m not sure why I’m working myself up so hard. She’s been pretty understanding so far whenever I’ve asked her for things, even when I feel like I’m being a burden, so I don’t think this will be any different. Still, I can’t help but be nervous.
Lya and Rian saunter into the dining room, and set the rest of the food on the table before joining us. The guys start to talk about how work went today, and the new clients they’re taking on, but all I’m focused on is trying to get the confidence to ask what I know will likely get shot down.
“So, I need to talk to you all about something.” My voice comes out way more confident than I expected. I’ve literally put up with asshole men, abusers, and sex traffickers, with strength and fake confidence. But right now, none of that compares to the nerves I’m feeling. I’m not sure why I’m this scared to talk to my sister. Since I got to her house, she’s only ever looked after me.
“Okay... What’s up?” Lya looks at me, confused—probably because we spent the entire day together and I didn’t say anything. I should’ve asked when the guys weren’t around, but to be honest, Tara never stops talking so there wasn’t ever a good moment. Love that girl, but damn, she has to have Olympic swimmer’s lungs with how much she can chat.
“Well, I’ve been thinking, and I’d like to start volunteering somewhere. I’m not sure where yet, but I’ll go anywhere really, as long as I can get out of the house for a little while every day.” I quickly drop my eyes to my plate and take a big bite out of my taco, to avoid how uncomfortable this conversation is already making me feel. It feels weird to ask my sister for permission to leave the house.
“I’m not sure, Lane.” Lya hesitantly looks over at the guys, who all give her knowing looks. I dart my eyes to Thiago, who has the hardest time keeping things from me, looking for any kind of sign of what’s going on.
“Why are you guys looking at each other like that?”
Suspicion fills the air, and I can feel the tension radiating between them. Thiago looks like he’s even more uncomfortable than I am. Rian just stares at Lya, looking for her to answer. Zep gives nothing away.
“I’m not sure if it’s safe. Sutton is likely still looking for you, and we have no idea who around here could be working for him. It just doesn’t seem safe yet. I’m just trying to protect you, Lane.” She looks me dead in the eyes, with fierce authority.
“Will it ever really be safe? Years from now, I could run into someone working for him. It’s been six months and we haven’t heard a peep out of him. Unless you know something I don’t?” I might be fishing for what they were talking about earlier, but if it’s about Harvey, I should probably know. Harvey hasn’t made a move against anyone—that I know of—so it doesn’t feel like he’s really coming for me.They promised I was safe from him.
“I just don’t know. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” There’s a falter in her voice that I pick up on. She’s worried; I can understand that. Having your twin sister ripped away in front of you, while you couldn’t do anything to stop it, is traumatizing. Then she spent nine years of her life searching for me. I get the concern, I really do, but there will always be uncertainty over when or if Harvey will make a move. I can’t be kept inside forever, just to be protected.
“Please, it will only be a few hours a day, or maybe I could go a couple days a week. I just need to get out of the house, Lya.” I’m practically begging now, but I don’t care. This means a lot to me. “Please let me at least do this.”
They all give each other one last glance, before Lya exhales a deep sigh.
“We’ll see. Maybe one of the guys or I can go with you for now, then we’ll talk about having you go on your own. We’ll need to know all of the details though. Who you’ll be working with, what days and hours, everything.” It’s not surprising that they’d want to do a full background check on everyone I’d be around—running a tech company, they take security very seriously.
“Don’t you and the guys have work to do? I know I don’t have a high school education or a college degree or even a driver’s license, but I’m still an adult. I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate how protective you all are of me, but sometimes it feels like you guys treat me like I’m a child. ” Anger rises inside of me, but I quickly calm myself, softening my tone. “I’m sorry, I’m just feeling like things are a bit hopeless. Like I’ll never have a normal life, because there’ll always be the danger of Harvey finding me.”
Lya’s brow scrunches in a frown. “I understand, Lainey, I do, but if anything happened to you, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. We’re just trying to make sure you’re safe.” Her voice is short, like she’s hurt from my words.
Feeling defeated, I concede a little. “I get it. I understand, too. I just wish things were different.” My stomach begins to ache from the guilt I feel at lashing out at her. She didn’t deserve the anger, but I still stand by my statement. I need more freedom and I’ll get it—but I won’t push my sister away in the process.
Suddenly, the atmosphere in the room shifts, like something heavy is eating at her. Her gaze bounces from Thiago, to Zep, to Rian. Rian gives her a shrug, Zep’s cool demeanor still gives no hint of anything, and Thiago nods his head tightly, urging her to go ahead.
“Am I missing something here? You’re all acting strange,” I blurt out, not wanting to deal with their secretive attitudes any longer—especially after what I heard earlier.
“We want to talk to you about something too,” Lya says calmly, making eye contact with me.
This has to be what they were arguing about earlier. Thiago seemed pretty clear that he wanted her to tell me, but Lya is stubborn and doesn’t always listen to others. Honestly, I’m surprised she’s about to tell me. She seemed adamant that she didn’t want to say anything yet.
“We’ve developed more plans to take down Sutton, but we need your help. I know you’ve been hesitant about the whole thing, but we can’t do this without you, Lainey.” Her eyes are pleading with me, but the moment is cut short when they dart in Thiago’s direction, and he lets out a loud scoff.
