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Itwasserious.
My heart constricted. My feelings for Ren were one-sided, but that didn’t mean they weren’t there. If something happened to him and we lost him…
The mere thought made my throat swell shut, and I couldn’t breathe properly.
“I’ll let you see him for a moment,” Nylah finally said.
“Thank you,” I said, relieved.
She opened the door to the King’s room and talked to someone inside. It was back and forth for a bit, but then she looked at me and nodded.
“You only have a few minutes. He’s not awake.”
I swallowed hard, my stomach twisting into a knot of nerves. I walked into the room and looked around.
The healer who’d been with him had left through another door, and we were alone in the room. Me and Ren, without an audience.
“Ren?” I asked.
He didn’t answer. He lay in bed with blankets tucked all around him, and he looked smaller than he should have. When I walked slowly toward him, I noticed how ashen his cheeks had become. His dark hair was pitch black against his pale skin, and his eyes were sunken. His cheeks were sallow, and he looked like he was barely alive. If it wasn’t for the shallow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed—every breath seemingly a struggle—I would have thought he was dead already.
“Oh, Ren,” I said, sitting down in the seat next to the bed. I took his hand. His skin was paper thin and cool to the touch. When I pressed my fingers against his wrist, his pulse fluttered lightly, like it was going to go out at any moment.
It hit me. Hard. Ren coulddie.He looked like he had to have been there already.
“You can’t leave,” I pleaded. “Not now. They all need you. Jasfin needs you. Who’s going to lead them against Palgia if a war breaks out and you’re not here?”
He didn’t answer me. He just lay there, looking worse and worse by the minute.
“Where am I supposed to go if you go?” I asked. “I don’t belong anywhere. I belong here. You gave me a home, one I’d never thought I could have. If you leave, it all falls apart, and then…” I squeezed my eyes shut, and tears rolled over my cheeks. “I don’t want you to die. It’s too soon. You still have so much to do as king. So many citizens to save…and you have me. I know it’s not much, and that you don’t care about me the way I care about you. More than you’ll ever know. I’m too terrified to tell anyone. And I can’t tell you. Not to your face—you’re Fae, and I’m not. I’m just…me. And who needs that? You don’t, I know you don’t. But…I needyou.And I know that’s selfish to say, but I don’t want you to go, because I don’t know what I’d be without you. When I’m here, I have a purpose. I’m a warrior. Just hold on, okay? Just keep fighting. I’ll be here when you wake up, and I’ll stand behind you. I’ll face anything that comes your way until the end of my days. Even if it’s just as your warrior. Because I’d rather have that—I’d rather be with you just as your warrior—than not be with you at all.”
I couldn’t get the rest of my words out, but I’d said what I needed to say. I’d been carrying these feelings around for so long. It felt good to have voiced them, even if it had been nothing more than a shout into the void.
“Please,” I whispered. “I won’t bear it if you die.”
The door opposite the bed opened, and an old male with a white beard and cream robes shuffled into the room. He had silver embellishments on his clothing, and he wore rings on all his fingers.
“I need to heal him, my lady,” he said. “It’s time for you to leave.”
I nodded. I needed the healer to pull him through. I needed Ren to make it.
I walked to the door and let myself out of the room, fighting back the rest of my tears, swallowing hard to get rid of the lump in my throat.
“He’s so sick,” I whispered when Nylah appeared.
“He is,” she agreed. Her face was serious, her eyes dark with concern. In them, I recognized my fear. It scared her he might die, too.
“Can’t you do anything?” I asked. “You’re the High Priestess. You’re the one with the healing power. Why aren’t you there, pulling him through? That’s what you did for me.”
She shook her head. “I’ve done all I can. The other healers are adding their magic to my own. Now, we wait to see if…”
It wasn’t an answer. She couldn’t finish her sentence, and I didn’t want her to. I bowed my head and nodded, tears rolling over my cheeks yet again.
“Ellie,” Nylah said, and I glanced up at her. “You haven’t known him as long as we have, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t mean a lot to you. I know how much it hurts. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said.
“No, but I’m still sorry. And I’m sorry for what I did last night.”
