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“Is there someone else?” I ask, feeling sick just asking the question. “Is there someone you left behind? Someone you’re going back to?”
“No! I wouldn’t be dating you if I had someone back home.”
“That’s the only way this makes sense. That’s the only reason you wouldn’t want us to keep seeing each other.” I get up and walk around the room. “Is that why you don’t have a cell phone? Because you don’t want her calling you while you’re here?”
“No!” He stands up, watching me as I pace. “There’s no one else. I don’t have some secret girlfriend.”
“Did you have an agreement with her too? Did you decide to becasualwith her like you are with me?”
“Sage.” He approaches me but I back away. “I swear, I don’t have anyone else.”
“Then why can’t we keep seeing each other?” My heart is hurting so much it aches, tears streaming down my cheeks.
“Sage,” Kyle says, stepping up to me and forcing me into his arms. “I’m sorry. I never wanted this to happen. This is exactly why I didn’t want to start something with you. From the moment we met I knew I’d fall in love with you. That’s why I kept trying to keep you away. But you kept showing up and inviting me over and…”
“So this is MY fault?” I try to push him away but he holds onto me.
“That’s not what I said. What I meant is that I knew once we were together it’d be nearly impossible to say goodbye.”
“But we don’t HAVE to say goodbye.” I finally push away from him and take a step back. “That’s what I keep trying to tell you. There are ways to make this work but you’re acting like that’s not what you want.”
He says nothing, standing there with a hurt look on his face. If this is hurting him too, then why is he doing it? What is going on here?
“So you’re saying you never want to see me again after you leave.” I put it out there and wait for him to confirm it.
He opens his mouth like he’s about to say something but then doesn’t. Instead, he rubs his hand over his chin, then up his face, over the thick stubble that’s grown from three days of not shaving.
“Would you please just answer me?” I feel myself choking up and take a breath. “Kyle, please say something.”
He looks down at the floor and says, “I can’t.”
“Can’t what?”
“I can’t have this discussion right now. I wasn’t prepared to do this tonight.”
“Do what? Break up with me?” Tears fall and I don’t wipe them away. I want Kyle to see them, to see how much he’s hurting me.
“Goddammit, Sage!” He storms to the side of the room, then stops, taking several deep breaths. His eyes lock on mine. “You knew this was going to happen. Why are you acting like this is news?”
“I didn’t think if we fell in love that our agreement would still stand! It’s not casual, Kyle. Our relationship has never been casual and you know that and have known it since the beginning, so for you to throw the whole casual agreement thing in my face is bullshit.”
“Then I guess we should’ve talked sooner,” he says with anger in his voice. “I thought the fact that we hadn’t talked about it meant our agreement hadn’t changed.”
“Like that really needs to be stated? Whywouldn’tit change?” I raise my voice. “We fell in love. People who are in love want to be together! They do whatever it takes to make that happen.” I soften my tone. “I was willing to do whatever it takes, even if that meant working two jobs so I could afford to come see you. I was even considering moving to California after I graduated. I was willing to make sacrifices. Because I love you. But I guess…you don’t feel the same way.”
“You know I love you,” he says, but he doesn’t move closer. He doesn’t try to reassure me with a hug or a kiss. He just stands where he is, several feet away from me, his arms at his sides. “Don’t ever question that.”
A humorless laugh escapes. “You love me but never want to see me again? Yeah, sorry, but if that’s what you think love is, you’re completely wrong.” I look him in the eye. “Why don’t you just be honest? This was just a summer fling to you. Nothing more.” I walk to the kitchen and grab my purse and keys and hurry to the door. “Goodbye, Kyle.”
He doesn’t try to stop me. I go out to my car and when I look back, he isn’t there. He didn’t follow me. He didn’t race out and try to get me to stay.
Because it’s over. He’s made that clear. Whatever we had together is over.
CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO
KYLE
A week has passedsince Sage and I broke up but it seems like forever. I got so used to having her in my life that now I feel lost without her. She’s all I think about, and at night, when she gets off work, I find myself waiting for her to come over. But then she doesn’t and I spend the night missing her, wondering if she’s okay.
