Page 138 of If I Could


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“Later,” he barks, grabbing my arm and shoving me forward. I could try one of my martial arts moves on him but he’s been trained in it for a lot longer than me so would probably end up taking me down.

He brings me to the living room and pushes me down on the couch, then keeps his eyes on me as he goes to the bar cart and pours himself a drink.

“Where’s Cain?” I ask.

“At a friend’s house.” He finishes off whatever he just poured himself, then refills his glass. “He misses you. Asks about you all the time.”

Cain’s just a kid but he’s smart. He knows it was me calling him the past few months. He’d say my name and wait for me to respond. When I didn’t, he’d say he was okay and then wait for me to hang up. He knew I was calling to check on him, and the fact that I just listened and didn’t say anything told him I didn’t want to be found. He was smart enough not to tell Dad that I’d called. He may not know why, but he knows the reason I left somehow involves our dad.

“What did you tell him?” I ask. “When he asked where I went, what did you tell him?”

“That you were struggling with some issues and had to leave.”

“What issues?”

“Substance abuse. I told him your drinking had gotten out of hand.”

I huff. “You told him I’m in rehab? Is that what you told other people too?”

“I had to tell themsomething.” He finishes his drink and sets the glass down. “They weren’t surprised. You have a history of being out of control.”

He’s referring to the time I got arrested for public intox. I was 21 and it was right after my birthday. It wasn’t a big deal but he made it seem like I’d committed a crime. He took my car away for three months.

“I wasn’t out of control,” I say, but then realize it’s a waste of time to argue about this. It doesn’t matter. I don’t care what he told people. The only thing I care about right now is what he’s going to do to me. I’m also wondering what else he’s done. Now that it’s just the two of us alone in a room, I wonder if he’d tell me the truth.

“Who was she?” I ask.

“Who?”

“You mentioned a woman earlier. You said she knew too much. What did you do to her?”

He casually walks to the other side of the room. “I didn’t do anything. It was an unfortunate accident.”

“That’s a lie. You made it look like an accident to cover up what you did.”

He stops and turns to me, his brow furrowed. “You know?”

“Know what?”

He stares at me, crossing his arms over his chest. “Is that why you ran? Because you knew I’d follow through on my threat?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You knew what I did to her, so you knew I’d do the same to you.”

“I don’t—”

“It wasn’t the same. Her actions were intentional. You just stumbled into something you shouldn’t have seen.”

I still have no idea what he’s talking about, but curious if he’ll tell me more, I pretend that I do.

“What was she going to do?” I ask. “Did she tell you?”

“She had a friend at the FBI.” He huffs and shakes his head. “She called him a friend but I knew what he was. I followed them to his house more than once. I had a suspicion it was going on. She’d done it before and I knew the signs.”

So this woman was cheating on him. But my father was cheating on my mother with this woman so he shouldn’t have gotten upset over it. Cheaters attract cheaters. He should’ve known this woman wouldn’t stay faithful to him.

“If she’d cheated on you before, then why did you stay with her?”

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